A few days ago I was putting down some pages from last week's edition of the Alameda Puppy Trainer on my kitchen floor. Just after my new Shar-Pei (or is it Sharpay?) did his business, I noticed a full-page article exclaiming that Alamedans should "shop local" to help the economy. Normally I don't read what is in the APT, but the text on this page was big enough that I couldn't help but read it. The article was signed by a bookstore that apparently only sells "blue" novels, and an ice cream parlor whose name I couldn't quite make out (due to the puppy's business) but it seemed to be called something-ucker's so even if I could read the whole name, I suspect that it would not be suitable for printing in a family Noosepaper.
The article proclaimed that shopping local businesses was somehow good for the economy. This is not exactly objective reporting, I must say. Two "local" businesses saying it is a good thing? That's neither fair nor balanced. Of course they are going to be saying this. They are probably hurting for business—not surprising considering the immoral nature of their specialties.
Everybody knows that economics is about circulation of money. Circulation means moving around all over, not just moving around a little bit. When your kitchen is smelling just a bit too much like puppy and you want the air to circulate, for instance, you don't just open up a door to another room, you open up a door or window to the outside! You want your blood to circulate all the way around your body, not just around in your foot, right? It's the same with money.
An Alamedan spending money, then, has a duty to help their money circulate far and wide! That means spending your money as far away from Alameda as possible! I like to go to Walnut Creek to spend my money, for example. I also spend money through the mail; the "Fingerhut" catalog people all know me on a first-name basis by now!
Of course, many right-thinking Alamedans don't want to go outside of Alameda, which is a good idea considering how dangerous it is to do so. The best way to help your money circulate, then, is to buy from national businesses who have a local branch in Alameda. If you want ice cream, then, buy it from Baskin-Robbins. If you want coffee, buy it from Starbucks. If you want books—all kinds, and not just "blue" ones—buy them from Borders. Although some of your money will unfortunately stay in Alameda, you can rest assured that most of your money will be circulated to places far away.
Harbor Bay Isle
Mr. Hurbrook raises some good points! The Alameda Daily Noose and I can think of so many other opportunities to circulate your money to help out the economy! Instead of eating at one of Alameda's "local" restaurants, eat at McDonalds—they have two convenient locations on either end of the Island. Don't use an Alameda-based bank—do your banking at a bank that is based on the other side of the country. Rent your videotapes from Blockbuster, not a local video store. Every time you send your money outside of Alameda, you are pitching in!
Thursday, July 16, 2009