Green Living by Janet Marchant: Huge Green Parade Tomorrow!

Editor's Note: Due to the late-breaking grumpy letters to the editor and other merde de cheval that have been flooding into our news desk, the Alameda Daily Noose and I made the executive decision to delay publication of last week's installment of "Green Living by Janet Marchant." Fortunately, these hippie-dippy "green" columns that are so popular with the kids these days never contain anything remotely time sensitive, so we're sure our readers won't mind the delay.

Tomorrow, Saturday, March 14, the nearby city of San Francisco (perhaps you've heard of it) will be holding a huge parade in honor of the island nation of Ireland's long history of contributions to the environmental movement. Yes, everything about this parade is "green": the outfits of the participants, the beer they will be drinking, and the likely color of their faces come Sunday morning.

Many people don't realize that the Irish are the world's original environmentalists. It all started with a plucky young environmentalist named Patrick who was transplanted to Ireland against his will. Despite some initial reservations about their lack of curbside recycling, Patrick soon realized that his new home had the potential to be the greenest one he could have imagined. Among this pioneering planet-saver's many contributions was the eradication of invasive non-native reptile species from his adopted land, converting the benighted people of Ireland to the one true faith of environmentalism, and recycling major elements of various indigenous pagan beliefs.

This guy was so devoted to the cause of green living that he was almost like some kind of saint: an inspiring example to us all. That's why I'm so excited about the upcoming holiday. It certainly is lucky that my column gets published on Friday, just in the nick o' time to let all o' you green-thinking Alamedans get ready to celebrate with me in San Francisco tomorrow!