The Alameda Daily Noose and I were just putting down another layer of this Thursday's Alameda Puppy Trainer for Scoop, our faithful canine companion, when we noticed an outrageous front-page screed entitled, "When Print Is Not Enough." It was clear from the article that the Alameda Puppy Trainer does not have the slightest understanding of the two greatest threats facing Alameda today, Squirrels and Bagpipes.
As if to trumpet his ignorance, the so-called reporter at the Puppy Trainer had the audacity to lump the Alameda Daily Noose in with a bunch of "B.L.O.G.S.," an abbreviation commonly used on the internets to stand for "Boring, Lame Online Gossip Shops." The Alameda Daily Noose is a soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper, not one of those despicable B.L.O.G.S. Shame!
Given the enormous damage that this libelous article will undoubtedly cause to our reputation and our sacred honor, the Alameda Daily Noose and I have no recourse but to seek justice within the hallowed halls of the only institution august enough to hear such a momentous case: small claims court. We'll see you there, Alameda Puppy Trainer, as soon as we scrape together the $30 filing fee. We have set up a donation jar outside of Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters for all of our loyal readers who wish to support this noble cause.