Friday, September 21, 2007

Outraged Alamedan Donald Kirkland Asks, Could Blythe Ergot Stand Up to a Whomping Willow?


With all of the discussion about trees this week, I am OUTRAGED that no-one has pointed out one important thing that completely discredits Blythe Ergot as a reliable source of information on the subject. Surely, someone besides me has noticed that an anagram of "I'm Blythe Ergot" is "Lo, big tree myth!"

A big myth is exactly what people like her are promulgating. Trees are not the innocent beings that she would have us think. Right-thinking Alamedans are well aware of the connection between overcrowding of trees and dangerous levels of Squirrel traffic, but many people may not be aware of the deep connection between trees and Tartan density. The truth is, the letters in "I'm Blythe Ergot" also spell, "Lob mighty tree," which is a clear reference to Highland games, and thus, inescapably, to Bagpipes.

Furthermore, Ms. Ergot's long, wavy hair makes her look just like that girl Hermione Granger from the popular series of movies about the boy wizard who looks just like that Manhattanite who is president of Alameda's Transportation Committee. And oh my, what skinny legs she has under her. So, what is she going to do if a tree threatens to fall on her -- cast a spell on it? Ha! I'll bet she wouldn't last two minutes against a Whomping Willow, and there will be plenty of those at large in Alameda if we follow her tree-increasing plan.

Donald Kirkland

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