Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Alameda Daily Noose and I Hate Being Accused of Hate

The Alameda Daily Noose and I have it on good authority that our work has been mentioned on one of those Boring, Lame Online Gossip Shops (B.L.O.G.S.) that nobody reads, out there in the interweb tubes. It seems that somebody is upset at the Alameda Daily Noose for printing a supposedly offensive image, even labeling the mere inclusion of the image in this Noosepaper a "hate crime." As right-thinking Alamedans are already aware, it is fierce and undying love that motivates every noble journalistic effort presented here. The Noose does not, I repeat, does not promote hatred toward anyone or anything on Chuck Corica's Green Earth. Except Squirrels, of course. And Bagpipes, we can't forget them. Not to mention people regularly parking in front of my house. Oh, and we're not too fond of those little plastic lids that never stay on the take-out coffee properly, either. But other than that, nothing. Or at least nothing we can think of right now.

The presence of an image of an unpleasant object in no way constitutes a statement of the Noose's opinion on any issue. We are committed to bringing all local matters of scant import to the attention of our loyal readers, whether the subject is shocking or not. Of course, since shocking pictures draw more readers, it is our duty to include them whenever possible. The people of Alameda have spoken, and since we already knew what they were going to say, we are well prepared to satisfy their desire for shocking, disturbing, controversial images. For your enjoyment, we've put together an encore presentation of a number of shocking images carefully gleaned from our microfiche archives of past editions of the Alameda Daily Noose. They are sure to upset and titillate our readers and critics alike. The controversy stirred up by these images is sure to shoot our circulation through the roof! Without a further do, here are the images:



Anonymous said...

Well, you could change the name of the site to Alameda Daily Gnus. Maybe Gnus are just what we need to deal with squirrels! And just imagine those gnus with their great big horns (they do have horns don't they?)taking on bagpipers in kilts. And your website counter would increase with all those people googling for hot steamy gnus sex and ending up here instead!

Anonymous said...

As the chairwoman of Gnu Action - Alameda, I deplore the previous letter writer's talk of hot steamy gnus sex. Our organization is dedicated to eradicating nude gnu noodling, and as every right minded Alamedan knows (knews?)gnus news should be treated with the utmost respect.

Bawbawa Kurley
Gnu Action - Alameda