Holiday Shirt Shopping Tip from Nedash Potter

Dear Mr. Grumbel,

Allow me first to say how much I love your noosepaper. I love it more than life itself, which is saying quite a bit because I love life!

But now, here is the reason I am writing this letter. I came across this store on the Inter-Nets, and I felt that although the item was miscategorized as "funny" rather than "serious", the shirt being sold would be a good gift for any right-thinking Alamedan on your Holiday list.


I believe that I actually recognize a couple of the characters in the second row from my own back yard.

I am not affiliated with this clothing store, but considering how serious a problem we have here, any opportunity to spread the word about these menaces to society is OK by me.

Warmly,
Nedash Potter

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Greening Your Gratitude

If you're like me, you're busy right now thinking up new ways to reuse or recycle your Thanksgiving leftovers. Doing that makes me thankful all over again, not just for the planet-saving elements of yesterday's meal, but for the many other things that have helped me live Green throughout the year. Here's my list of Green things that I'm most thankful for this year (I wrote it out on paper first, so that I'd have something to recycle):

Clean coal

Kentucky bluegrass

Round-Up weed killer

Environmentally friendly cleaning products

Plastic bags

Green alcohol

Organic ingredient substitution charts

Pigeons and other exotic backyard wildlife

Just typing in that list of environmental innovations gave me a warm feeling, or maybe that's the heat generated by my sustainable computer. Either way, I recommend making your own list of green things to be grateful for. And no, you don't have to thank me for the idea; I'm just doing my job.

Dave Williamson Corrects Omission in his Squirrel Thanksgiving Menu

Rog,

Some folks have written to me to point out that I forgot the traditional condiment in my Squirrel Thanksgiving menu. How about: Cran-'t-Bear-y the Sight of Squirrels Sauce.

Dave

Anti-Squirrel Thanksgiving Menu from Dave Williamson

Rog,

Here is my amusing photo of an anti-Squirrel Thanksgiving turkey. Note the thoroughness with which my visual critique makes the case against Squirrels. I knew you would find it clever, although my wife doesn't seem to understand the complexity of my humor. She doesn't follow the Global War on Squirrels as closely as I do, which must be why she wasn't laughing during the photo shoot.

Well, I'll show those Squirrels. They must think that just because they're cute and make people laugh, they're better than the rest of us. But I can make people laugh, too. In fact, anything Squirrels can do, I can do better! That's why I've stuffed the turkey full of Acorns.

Also on my Thanksgiving menu are Roasted Root-of-All-Evil Vegetables, I Yam an Evil Squirrel and Marsh-Not-Very-Mellow Casserole, Suffering in Alameda Because Squirrels Suck-otash, and Pumped—with Adrenaline for Fighting Squirrels—kin pie.

Dave Williamson

Bagpipe Horror Strikes at Heart of Alameda Cookies

Dear Roger,

I was trying to buy some of my favorite cookies the other day at that big Safeway store that I can't stand to shop at, and I noticed something alarming. First of all, they didn't have the brand of shortbread that I wanted, and second, there was some weird, foreign-looking shortbread where it should have been. When I looked more closely, I saw that there was a picture of a bagpipe on the box. I took a picture of it, because I knew you would be able to tell us all what to make of it. Is Scotland trying to monopolize the supply of shortbread cookies? It seems like tartan and bagpipes have already infiltrated so many of the things that we hold dear in Alameda, but isn't this going too far? What am I going to put on the cookie plate for my Thanksgiving guests? I want my good, honest, Alamedan shortbread back!

Jean Kerkwilligers

Devoted Reader Begs Alameda Daily Noose and Me to Mention His Name

Hi,

I had a chance to read your post about board games, and wanted to call your attention to the $25,000 ‘GET LOADED!’ contest from LOADED QUESTIONS. The new version of LOADED QUESTIONS has 1300+ questions. If you can, I'd be most appreciative if you could provide a link to the contest or give us a mention. I'll bookmark your blog. Thanks again!

Lewis

Editor's Comments:

The Alameda Daily Noose and I love loaded questions, although we must point out that they are more properly called "perfectly fair questions."

Here are some examples of perfectly fair questions that we imagine would be appropriate for Mr. Lewis' game:

1. Since Measure Acorn is the only thing standing between us and utter destruction of our cherished quality of life in Alameda, wouldn't you have to be out of your mind to do anything that might compromise Measure Acorn?

2. Given that the Alameda Daily Noose is the only Noosepaper that always gets the scoop, and prints every single letter to the editor, except for those that it doesn't, does it make any sense to give a moment's attention to those other so-called newspapers that claim to cover issues of interest to Alamedans?

3. What do you think of that huge, horrible, ugly new building that's under construction right now?

Dave Williamson Says Law Allows Registrar to Name SunCal's Measure as Alpha Rather than A to Avoid Confusing Voters

Rog,

California Elections Code provides that the registrar can pick a different letter - they don't have to start with "A" - in the event that a new measure might be confused with past measures. According to California Elections Code Section 11316, "An elections official may commence designating local measures with any letter of the alphabet following the letter 'A,' and continuing in alphabetical order, in order to avoid voter confusion that might result from different local measures carrying the same letter designation in successive elections."

Obviously, when it comes time for Alameda citizens to vote against the tree-laden peat bog that is planned for Alameda Point, they will be prone to confusing it with our beloved Measure Acorn, which also starts with "A." This community voted overwhelmingly in favor of Measure Acorn in an election which was succeeded by another election, which was succeeded by still more elections, which will be succeeded by the upcoming election, so by the computative property, the next election will be the successor to that original Measure Acorn election. We know that no-one actually reads any of the initiatives that they vote on, so everyone would be sure to vote for a new "Measure A" in the belief that they were upholding the old "Measure Acorn."

Simply changing the letter of the initiative to "B" is not an option, however. Many previous elections have involved completely unrelated initiatives labeled with that letter, some of which have been worth voting for. We can't take the risk that anyone might confuse the new "Measure B" with some previous "Measure B," or "C," or any other letter that might have positive associations. All of the letters of the alphabet, from "Acorn" to "Z" have been used at one time or another for elections in Alameda, or cities near Alameda. For example, the recent use of "Measure Z," in connection with marijuana law in that City That Is Not Alameda, would make it particularly confusing to use the letter "Z" in our election, because you would have to be high to vote for something that would tamper with Measure Acorn.

It would be much better to label this new initiative with a completely different kind of symbol, such as a letter of the Greek alphabet.


Of course, the election would need to be postponed to allow time for all voters to learn the Greek alphabet, but it is the only way to ensure fair results. There is no way that a capital letter "Alpha", for example, could be confused with the Alamedan letter "A". Right-Thinking Alamedans should urge the registrar to support Measure Acorn by not labeling the new anti-Measure Acorn initiative with an "A," but instead with the first letter of the Greek alphabet, which is the only way to prevent any possible confusion.

Dave Williamson