Latest Stalinist Recycling Scheme Yet Another Burden on Right-Thinking Alamedans

Editor,

Here we go again. I am absolutely appalled by the latest Stalinist scheme to emerge from our local Politburo apparatchiks, known in some quarters as the "City Council." First they took away our iconic all-American galvanized trash cans and forced us to use ridiculous colored bins with wheels. Then they tried to force us to put our rotten food scraps into little green bins, inviting plagues of rats, insects, and whatever scary disease has been featured in all the papers lately. But this—this is the last straw!

I snapped the photos above on my excruciating, traffic-choked two-block drive home from the Dusty Shelves Market. Not content with forcing us to sort cans, bottles, newspaper, and food scraps, the Bolsheviks in charge of this burgh are now telling us we have to sort our discarded students and teachers into separate gray plastic tubs. Apparently, the pencil-necked bureaucrats in Sacramento say it's important to divert students and teachers from our landfills and ensure that they can be properly "re-cycled"—whatever that means—but I say, "Hogwash!" As if we don't have better things to do with our time!

It used to be that if we wanted to get rid of somebody, all we had to do was throw him into our galvanized trash can in the back yard and slam the lid down. We didn't have to sort people by age and occupation. We didn't have to drag a rainbow of colored plastic bins to the curb. Nope, we just chucked 'em in the can and a crew of friendly fellows wearing hats, snappy uniforms, and white gloves would come right back into the yard and pick up the cans, whistling, waving, and calling out, "Good morning to you, Sir!" as they worked. Whatever happened to those good old days of yore?

It's time for Right-Thinking Alamedans to say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"

Lon Geddoff