Doesn't anyone in this town realize what will happen if the schools get more money for their so-called programs? They'll expand them, that's what! We're going to see all kinds of weird new arts and sports stuff that doesn't belong in Alameda.
For example, what is Caber Tossing? It's a sport, that's what! Is that what we want, teenagers tossing big tree trunks around? Somebody could lose an eye! Right now, the schools don't offer that sport, which must mean that they don't have enough money for it. Let's keep it that way!
Furthermore, I ask you, what is the most expensive kind of musical instrument? A Bagpipe, that's what! You have to pay for each one of those little pipes sticking out of the thing. Therefore, if the schools get money for music programs, they will use it to buy bagpipes. Schools that have money are a threat to our entire community, and until people realize that, we will be in constant danger.
Chair, Alamedian Party of Alameda
Tuesday, March 18, 2008