Right-Thinking Alamedans Prefer Luck o' the Irish to Venomous Parcel Tax

The Alameda Daily Noose and I have heard a lot of talk lately about possible alternatives to the insidious parcel tax that the Alameda Unified School district is trying to foist off on unsuspecting property owners. Despite the variety of opinions on the subject, we believe everyone can agree that it is a waste of time for the district to cut sports or other essential programs in an effort to balance their budget.

Instead, the School Board should take a rational approach, and apply all of their effort to seeking out the appropriate Leprechaun or Rainbow to guide them to Pot of Gold that, if properly invested, will ensure the continued success of local high school Mahjong and luge teams for the foreseeable future.

In case they are unable to locate a Leprechaun, the school district should keep in mind that I am authorized to appoint Honorary Leprechauns, especially in times of Emergency. A sufficient number of Honorary Leprechauns should be able to silence the venomous parcel tax apologists who are eating away at the heart of our education system like a nest of vipers in a rabbit colony. The Alameda Daily Noose and I are committed to rooting out that vile nest, just as St. Patrick did when he drove the serpents out of Alameda.