Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Happy First Noosiversary to the Alameda Daily Noose and Me!

It was exactly a year ago today that the Alameda Daily Noose and I made a major breakthrough in our process for bringing you the best noose, scoops, and investigative reports available on our Treasured Island. With the help of a noted Silicon Valley technologist and entrepreneur, we cracked the tough acorn of keeping our community up to date not just on current events, but also things that we reported on months ago.

Given our amazing record for journalistic innovation, an ignorant reader like you could be forgiven for asking why we did not take this step sooner. At first we thought there was no value in a scoop once it was past its faster-than-everyone-else date. What we hadn't considered, though, is that the high quality of our journalism makes it desirable long after ordinary newspapers have been used to wrap fish, or otherwise suitably consigned to oblivion.

In fact, the Alameda Daily Noose has more in common with a fine periodical like National Geographic, which no Right-Thinking Alamedan is ever able to throw away. However, because Alameda is in an earthquake zone, our commitment to public safety forbade us from binding up our back issues into archives, for fear that a big, precarious stack of yellow might fall and crush unsuspecting children or adorable puppies during The Big One.

And so, although we know it must be a terrible disappointment to all of our loyal readers, there are no back issues of the Alameda Daily Noose available from earlier than March 26, 2007. That was when we made the historic decision to leave our great works of journalism on the Interweb for the enjoyment of future Alamedans, because, as you know, things stored on the Interweb weigh much less than they do when stored in an attic. Our only reservation was the concern that a permanent record of past Noose items might be awkward if any of our predictions ever failed to match with results. However, we realized that we have never been wrong in the past, so it is impossible that we could ever be wrong in the future.

So, dear readers, we know that you will want to join with us in celebrating this auspicious occasion by raising a glass of your favorite beverage, and re-reading every issue of the Alameda Daily Noose that has been published in this past, momentous year, starting right here. There will be a quiz.

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