Red-Blooded All-Alamedan Man Doesn't Want Sweet Swedish Nuts Rammed Down His Throat

Editor,

You won't believe what those socialist Scandinavians are trying to sneak into our island nation of Alameda! They are trying to sugar-coat it, but I can see that their so-called confections are nothing more than a way to ram the failed philosophy of sharing things down our throats.


Right on the package there, it says to "leave some nuts for our furry friends", by which they obviously mean Squirrels! Well, I'm sorry, but it's no use trying to placate an angry Squirrel. For all we know, that is exactly what would jump out of the bag in the photo, if anyone were foolish enough to actually open it! Note that the Swedish are having to smuggle these packaged socialist Squirrels in through Florida, and we all know that that means they must have come by way of Cuba. That is not the kind of product that we want here in Alameda. Alameda is nothing like Cuba. For one thing, Alameda is an island. When are people going to understand that?

Here in Alameda, we don't have any extra nuts to be throwing to the socialist Squirrels, with their cockamamie schemes for universal pecan coverage. We need every one of our nuts right here.

Lon Geddoff