I was driving down Encinal yesterday, and I could hardly believe what I saw in front of that new fancy restaurant that's going up on the corner of Park Avenue. I've enclosed a photograph of the offensive sign, and anyone can clearly see that it is not the kind of sign we should tolerate in Alameda. That yellow, smiling face is a real red flag. The last thing we need around here is business owners encouraging their employees to be more happy and friendly. I expect surly, tight-lipped service wherever I do business, and it's getting harder and harder to find a reliably grumpy clerk in this town.
Anti-grump discrimination is what it is! I've had enough of this affirmative action hiring of "friendly" people. They're cheating good honest grumps out of the jobs that we earnestly resent having to do. We don't need these outsider business owners coming into Alameda and forcing their cheerful agenda on us. They want us all to be happy and gay, and they're going to start by brain-washing our children. So next time you see a teenager standing behind a counter with a chipper smile on her face and a bright "How can I help you?" on her lips, you'll know to blame these lily-livered interlopers with their chicken empire.