"Enough with the Grumpy Letters, Already!" by Ned Sneering

Editor,

I am sick and tired of people writing letters to the editor that are nothing but complaints and outlandish opinions masquerading as facts and are usually not even written so good. Its all of these newcomers who are to blame. I have lived in Alameda my entire life, and then some, and I have never once felt the need to complain about something in a letter to the editor.

Those young whipper-snappers have some nerve complaining about how us Right-Thinking Alamedans are just grumpy complainers. "Yap, yap, yap," they go, on and on, not bothering to pay any attention to the way they are throwing around run-on sentences, because let me tell you, their is nothing that irritates me so much in a letter to the editor as run-on sentences, unless maybe its' the completely unjustified personal attacks against people they hardly know and wouldn't appreciate even if they did know them from Adam, and I'm particularly upset at that one young Bozo, whatever his name is, who said something criticizing a point that Former City Council Candidate made, which is way off base because we all know she is always right. Well, she is no more a grouch than I am, and anyone who says different will get a darned good tongue-lashing if I have anything to say about it.

Furthermore, I know for a fact that most of the other 30,000 people who live in Alameda, which has the largest population of any city in the Bay Area, agree with me that this is a nice, quiet town where people just want to read they're morning paper without being literally assaulted by outlandish letters to the editor trying to tell them how they ought to think and behave. Their ought to be a law against crabby letters to the editor, and anybody caught writing one should be tarred, feathered and run out of town on a rail. Now, I know those bleeding hearts at the A.C.L.U. probably wouldn't like that, but they don't understand that we don't have time for trials or other namby-pamby due process when people are so obviously guilty. Heck, we should tar and feather all the the A.C.L.U. members first, just to be safe.

Now, if only we had some kind of organization that would stand up for Former City Council Candidate's right to speak her mind, no matter how controversial her statements. I'ts a crying shame that we don't have something like that in our town. No doubt they've been put off by all those endless threatening letters to the editor. Enough with the grumpy letters, already!

Ned Sneering