Mammoth Squirrels Overshadow Fan Mail and Other Delights

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are well accustomed to fan mail from famous people all over Alameda, but even we were taken aback when we received a letter recently from one of our all-time favorite musical artists. None other than Marc Albert of Tijuana Brass Band fame is apparently an avid reader of our soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper. In honor of the occasion, the Noose and I put on our best leisure wear and took a print-out of the letter down to the romper room to peruse while enjoying a number from our favorite album, Whipped Cream and Other Delights. In order to allow our readers to participate in this transcendent experience, we have provided an Alameda Daily Noose exclusive video of the event.

Oh, and of course we read the letter that Mr. Albert sent. In it, he alerted us to an article in one of the other major news media documenting a frightening development in the Global War on Squirrels. It seems that a youngster in La Crosse, Wisconsin, the birthplace of that game played with the funny basket thingies on sticks, was chased by a gigantic Squirrel, and escaped its horrible maw only by wrenching out the mammoth tooth that had snagged him. He is shown holding the tooth in a photo that must have been taken by his grandfather only moments after the incident. The Alameda Daily Noose and I have often warned that the Squirrel problem will only get bigger if we allow tree density to increase on our Treasured Island, and this is a sobering example of just how big that problem could be.

There but for the grace of Measure Acorn, colloquially known as "Measure Acorn," go we.