Scoop! The Noose is an on-line Web site that can report press releases at any time!

In a far-reaching report, the Alameda Daily Noose has discovered that unlike weekly or twice-weekly print newspapers, ADN can quickly cut and paste any press release onto its website and call it "news."

It turns out that "news" can be anything that one says it is, much like an imaginary friend or Puff the Magic Dragon. Through extensive investigation, we have revealed that this subjective flexibility allows ADN to put almost anything on our site and yet still demand full recognition as journalists.

This finding shines a light on our constantly providing the "news" first. Whether it's a lost kitten, or the announcement of a new Fire Chief, ADN takes the words "for immediate release" seriously. Because of this committment, we are able to provide up-to-the-minute news even when items don't really require a timely announcement.

We encourage you to keep checking in, as we are currently researching our next exposé: "The Alameda Daily Noose will print anything! We mean it! Anything!*

*Except those things we don't want you to know about.