Thursday, April 19, 2007

"Baseballgate" scandal widens

Last Friday, April 13, at 4:37 PM, outraged Alamedan Donald Kirkland alerted the Alameda Daily Noose to a scandal brewing in the seemingly innocent world of Little League baseball. Rather than just provide you with one of those newfangled so-called hyperlinks to Mr. Kirkland's full comment, we will instead give you the following excerpt and and let you hunt for the full comment yourself:

Bob Jackson and his T-Ball/Farm comrades in arms have been making all of these important decisions behind closed doors, in smoke filled rooms. The rules for open baseball are being abused in this burgh and the citizens are mad as hell, and we're not going to take it any more. The dishonesty of closed sports, the rubber stamp support of whatever Big Baseball wants done, it all has to stop!

Today, at 10:06 AM, in an exclusive interview with Alameda Daily Noose, outraged Alamedan Donald Kirkland revealed the latest shocking details in the unfolding Little League scandal, or "Baseballgate," as Alameda Daily Noose and the other major news media are now calling it. Apparently, Little League T-Ball/Farm bigwig/honcho Bob Jackson has a cousin whose old college roommate and best friend in New York City was recently hired by none other than...the New York Yankees! Bob Jackon's cousin's best friend does not actually play for the big-league team, but rather holds down some sort of "desk job," to use the euphemism so commonly employed in these sorts of shady dealings.

Outraged Alamedan Donald Kirkland demands to know, "What did Mr. Jackson know, and when did he know it?! I ask you, when will Mr. Jackson disclose that his coziness with Big Baseball led him to close Alameda's Little League registration on or about Friday, April 13, 2007? I ask you, how will Alamedans react when they learn that the strings in our 'little' league here in Alameda are actually being pulled by the nefarious puppet-masters in the far-away big leagues of New York City?"

Alameda Daily Noose and I urge you to contact the Mayor and Council and demand a full investigation into the Little League scandal known as "Baseballgate." On second thought, we all know that the Mayor and Council must be up to their eyes in this scandal themselves, so we now call instead for the recall of the Mayor and Council! Well, maybe not the whole Council...we call for a recall of the Council Majority, by which we mean the ones who don't always vote the way we like.

Throw the bums out!


Anonymous said...

I think the conspiracy goes far deeper than just the New York Yankees. I have it on good authority, my good friend Moe Howard told me he’d heard it at a Major League Baseball owners meeting, that Commission Bud Selig believes the way for baseball to re-establish itself as America’s past time is to take over all the t-ball leagues in America. They chose Alameda because, in Mr. Selig’s words, it (Alameda) is the typical small mid-western town that is the model for all of America. We have Mr. Selig’s comment on tape, which because of technical difficulties; we won’t be able to produce for anyone to view. But it really does exist.

Of course, all of the right thinking people in town know who’s behind this blatant attempt at taking over the t-ball leagues. It’s those darn DEVELOPERS. They just want to build new baseball stadiums in every city in America. That’s why they’re sponsoring major league baseball’s attempt to run our t-ball leagues from the offices of the New York Yankees.

I also have it on good authority that Bob Jackson's cousin's best friend is in reality, George Costanza. We know of Mr. Costanza’s track record from watching him and his “friends” on the reality show “Seinfeld”. They participate in bizarre contests, spend hours doing nothing, and were finally jailed for their reckless disregard of people.

In closing, I also call on the duly elected majority of the Council to resign so that we can replace them with candidates who are more “right” thinking.


Anonymous said...

I really don't know anything about this baseball business, but I agree with everything that mr Dave has to say. Let's get rid of the majority of this council, including that Constanza guy. Everyone knows that Alameda is UNIQUE!