Green Living by Janet Marchant: A Heartfelt, Green Tribute to the Greenest Journalist I Know

Oh, I was just so excited when I found out that Roger Grumbel is editing the Alameda Daily Noose this week! I thought, "How can I rise to the occasion and write a special column to celebrate Roger's return from retirement?" Then it hit me: recycling! Roger loves to recycle old items by running them again in the pages of the Alameda Daily Noose, so in the spirit of Roger Grumbel, I am re-running one of my best columns from a time when Roger was the regular editor of the noosepaper. When you're done re-reading it, I'm sure you'll agree that this week feels just like old times!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Green Spring Cleaning

In Spring, a person's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of cleaning. But wait! Before you pull the trigger on that bottle of spray cleaning solution, have you read the label? I've read a lot of labels in the course of my in-depth green living research, and let me tell you, some of the things on those labels are scary! For your own peace of mind, take a look at what's in your cleaning closet. If you see yucky-sounding words like "Chlorinated phenols" or "Perchloroethylene" on your usual cleaning products, it could be time for a change.

When you see a label like that, immediately remove it from the container of cleaning product. Then, cut out the Green Cleaning label below, and tape it onto the container where the old label was.
Presto! No more scary words. By the way, you might also want to write in a description of what the product is for, so that you don't accidentally wash your clothes in bleach, or Armor All your carpet instead of shampooing it.

Once you get those nasty labels out of your life, you'll rediscover the joy of cleaning with a clear conscience. So come on, everyone, and let's do some green washing!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Huge Green Parade Tomorrow!

Editor's Note: Due to the late-breaking grumpy letters to the editor and other merde de cheval that have been flooding into our news desk, the Alameda Daily Noose and I made the executive decision to delay publication of last week's installment of "Green Living by Janet Marchant." Fortunately, these hippie-dippy "green" columns that are so popular with the kids these days never contain anything remotely time sensitive, so we're sure our readers won't mind the delay.

Tomorrow, Saturday, March 14, the nearby city of San Francisco (perhaps you've heard of it) will be holding a huge parade in honor of the island nation of Ireland's long history of contributions to the environmental movement. Yes, everything about this parade is "green": the outfits of the participants, the beer they will be drinking, and the likely color of their faces come Sunday morning.

Many people don't realize that the Irish are the world's original environmentalists. It all started with a plucky young environmentalist named Patrick who was transplanted to Ireland against his will. Despite some initial reservations about their lack of curbside recycling, Patrick soon realized that his new home had the potential to be the greenest one he could have imagined. Among this pioneering planet-saver's many contributions was the eradication of invasive non-native reptile species from his adopted land, converting the benighted people of Ireland to the one true faith of environmentalism, and recycling major elements of various indigenous pagan beliefs.

This guy was so devoted to the cause of green living that he was almost like some kind of saint: an inspiring example to us all. That's why I'm so excited about the upcoming holiday. It certainly is lucky that my column gets published on Friday, just in the nick o' time to let all o' you green-thinking Alamedans get ready to celebrate with me in San Francisco tomorrow!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Greening Our Whole Planet

This is my favorite time of year, when the daisies are blooming and warm breezes are blowing with just a hint of summer. It's only right that this is when we celebrate a holiday that reminds us all of why green living is so important. Yes, I'm talking about Earth Day, the day when we all renew our promise to save the planet. And when I say save the planet, of course I mean Planet Alameda.

That's right, folks; our island nation is more than just a pretty city. It's also its own planet! Many people don't seem to realize this, which makes them think saving the planet is hard, but it's really pretty easy. All you have to do is take care of your little piece of earth. You might do that by planting it with Kentucky bluegrass, or by paving it over so that it won't erode and wash into the bay, never to return.

There are many other things you can do to protect your environment, too. Over the months, I've given my readers plenty of tips on how to encourage the use of clean coal, how to increase the amount of recycling you do, and all kinds of other things that make Alameda a better planet. One thing that all of these green living tips have in common is that there's no reason to worry about what effect they might have outside Alameda, because we are our own planet. Likewise, it doesn't matter whether anyone outside Alameda follows any of my green living tips since they can't possibly affect us here. They are free to do all of those things we won't do here, because it won't increase our traffic, or worsen our air quality.

So, fellow Alamedans, this is Janet Marchant wishing you a happy, guilt-free Earth Day, from my backyard to yours.

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Greening Your Bookshelf

Sometimes people ask me, "Janet, where do you get all of your neato-keen ideas for saving money and the enviro-whatsis?" upon which I gently remind them that it's pronounced "enviro-mint," as in "mint chocolate chip ice cream." Then I let them in on a little not-so-secret, which is that I often get ideas from pictures or chapter headings in books.

So if you like the way books look with your living room decor, and you're looking for more inspiration in the green living department, don't delay; have some of these titles shipped to you on the fastest jet you can, from your favorite online bookseller:

Anne of Green Gables: the story of a spunky young environmental pioneer who moves to Prince Edward Island to bring the miracle of modern Green Building renovations to a dumpy old farmhouse.

How Green Was My Valley: a man looks back fondly on the beginnings of clean coal technology research in his Welsh home town, where the now booming industry has no doubt made his native valley even greener!

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe: a woman gets sound advice from her elderly friend about selecting and cooking organic produce and meat alternatives for the restaurant market.

Green Eggs and Ham: this is just the ticket for getting kids excited about free-range, cage-free, free-love eggs and the biodynamic pigs that taste so good with them.

There are plenty more books chock full of Green Living tips, but that should get you started. Unlike some condescending and unhelpful manuals, these books are truly accessible, and provide models for Green Living that Anyone can follow. Why, they even tell you what to do when you get a bad dye job on your hair! Otherwise, I might never have thought of wearing a darling straw hat until my hair grows out again, which should only take a few more months. So what are you waiting for? Let's all bone up on our Green Reading today!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Insulating Your Home with Style

Chilly winds are blowing, but before you crank up those space heaters, are you sure your home is well insulated? So-called experts will try to tell you that most traditionally designed wood frame buildings lose more heat through the roof and in insulated walls than through the windows, but that's ridiculous. Have you ever noticed a draft coming from the roof or a wall? It's obvious that those nasty old windows are the real culprits.

One approach to stopping drafts from your old double-hung windows is to have them all replaced with new double-glazed window units, but that can be expensive. You can block cold air much more cheaply, and completely, by simply nailing sheets of plywood over every window. For a more substantial look and even more energy savings, try bricking up the windows instead. Brick-laying can be fun for the whole family, so why not start now with a weekend project?

Once your window retrofit is complete, you may notice that some of the rooms seem a bit darker than before, but don't despair: you'll want to follow our earlier "green living" tip and stock up on as many incandescent bulbs as you can afford. You'll soon have your place blazing with light again!

You will also discover that you're no longer able to open windows for ventilation in the summer, so you'll want to install the largest air-conditioning unit you can find. Once you have that baby cranked up to full blast, those summer breezes you remember will seem laughably hot and humid by comparison.

Once you have overcome the issues of light and ventilation through modern green technology, you will begin to enjoy many of the side benefits of living window free. Never again will your eyes be assaulted by the first rays of the rising sun. Never again will you be distracted by birds hopping around in trees or children playing in a neighbor's yard.

You'll also find that your home's stunning new look will attract a lot of attention. The creativity of many people—especially teenagers—is stimulated by the presence of beautiful blank surfaces, and they may grace them with displays of artistic expression involving fat markers and spray paint. These spontaneous art projects will give your home an ever-changing appeal that will undoubtedly increase not only your property values, but those of the whole neighborhood!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Enhancing Your Green Guy's Environmental Energy

This column is especially for all of my green sisters out there, so anybody reading this who doesn't have at least two X chromosomes might want to stop reading and go put some gas in the hybrid SUV or something. Now, I'm not one to make broad generalizations, but let's face it: men are just not as environmentally conscious as women. You know what I mean, ladies. So often, your husband or boyfriend just can't quite keep up with you when it comes to living greenly. My own husband means well, bless his heart, but he sometimes can't work up quite as much enthusiasm for saving endangered species as I can. And then, or course, there's the little matter of getting the recyclables into the right bin, and remembering to close the lid afterwards.

Those are the kinds of little problems that can happen to any guy who's trying to live in harmony with the planet, and in harmony with a woman who loves the planet almost as much as she loves him. That's why I was so excited to discover that there is now a way to naturally enhance a man's green living prowess! It all started when I got an e-mail message from someone I don't exactly remember meeting (maybe it was at the beach clean-up last year), saying that her spouse had gotten fantastic results with a new "green male enhancement" supplement. As far as I can tell, this product is an all-natural herbal capsule that strengthens a green male's commitment to the environment in kind of the same way that ginkgo enhances memory.


Wow! It's yet another good idea from that green product powerhouse, China! By following the link in the message, I was able to order a sample pack of the supplement to try on my own "green male". I plan to secretly mix the contents of a capsule into his organic 50-grain muesli tomorrow morning. I'll let you know if the stuff really works for bringing out the planet-saving tiger that I married, and that I know is still in there somewhere. Don't tell him anything about this, though, because I want to avoid the placebo effect. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but I know it has something to do with getting your money's worth out of herbal supplements. And you know me—I like to save some green as much as I like being green!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Green China and Green Silverware

I'm so excited! A friend of mine just sent me this photo of a fantastic new aid to green living: biodegradable utensils. As it says right on the box, these convenient knives, forks, and spoons are "Earth Friendly" and "Environmentally Responsible." I didn't know that there was anything that could be better than the green plastic forks I bought for my Earth Day Party, so I am blown away by this discovery!

Now, what doesn't come as a surprise is that this great new product is manufactured in one of the greenest places on the planet: China!

As my fans in China know, I'm often inspired by the wonderful things their country is doing to help save our planet. This time, I think the inspiration is flowing both ways, because China seems to have learned from our country's long tradition of finding all sorts of amazing uses for corn.

But here's a use we never thought of: turning corn starch into a kind of plastic that can be formed into biodegradable eating utensils! The Chinese are kindly sharing this ecological breakthrough with us by loading the earth-friendly forks and spoons onto majestic ocean freighters, selflessly burning countless gallons of their precious fossil fuels to bring them to our shores, and sending them to Wal-Mart and Costco mega-stores across the country so that we, too, can enjoy this clean, green, organic product.


Wow! If only there were something eco-friendly that we could send them in return, as a way of thanking them for making our lives a little greener. Maybe the best thing would be to ship them some of our corn, as a way of saying, "Keep up the creative corn processing, and send us more of those disposable forks."

It's hard for me to think of a more earth-friendly manufacturing material than corn. And remember, composting is good for the environment, so if you decide to hop on the corn-starch cutlery bandwagon, try to use at least one compostable fork or spoon at every meal. The more of them you use, the more there will be to compost! And that means more business for our clean, green, trading partner, China. It's a win-win!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Sustainable Sports

Lately, I picked up a newspaper in my aromatherapist's waiting room, and noticed with excitement that there was an entire section devoted to green living! It was even printed on green paper, which is usually a good clue that something is environmentally friendly. At first, I thought the focus of the articles was on fashion, because the title of the section was "Sporting Green," I thought as in "She's sporting a splendid, sustainable, free-trade, hemp chapeau today." However, after reading a few of the articles, I realized that they were all about environmentally conscious athletes.

For example, did you know that pitcher Nick Green brings his own natural, relaxed style to a baseball team called the Red Sox? With all that red and green together on the same diamond, it must be like Christmas for sustainably living sports fans.

And then there's a local team called the Green Bay Packers. I assume they are made up of green-thinking football players from many different cities in the Bay Area, and that they pack their games full of energy-saving plays, organic cotton uniforms, recycled nacho cheese, and all kinds of other wonderful green features.

Best of all, though, is the auto racing team Andretti Green Racing. I can just imagine Marco Andretti beating out all of the competition in a super-efficient hybrid racecar that gets almost 2 miles to the gallon! Car racing has to be one of the best sports on the planet, and now it could be the best sport for the planet. If only we could all drive the way that racecar drivers do, we would spend a lot less time in cars, which is what we're supposed to do to help keep our planet healthy.

So remember that next time you're on the freeway. Every little bit you do to increase your speed and reduce your travel time can add up to a big difference!
Isn't it wonderful how inspiring sustainable sports can be?

New Column: Green Living by Janet Marchant

Editor's Note:

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are very green, so we have graciously agreed to publish a special guest column on sound environmental practices for Alameda. If the author praises us enough, we may publish more of her columns in the future.

Janet Marchant
Green Living

Reduce your Automobile Carbon Footprint

You are probably paying a lot at the pump for your gas. I think my last fill-up of my H2 finally broke the $100 mark. This is just too much. How can we save the planet if we are spending so much money on gasoline?

Starting next week, I invite you to be part of a new movement. It's called Push Your Car To Work Day.

That's right - next Wednesday, rain or shine, the challenge is to not actually use any gasoline that day. So to get to work, you just push your car.

This might seem difficult, but you have to realize that most of Alameda is pretty flat. And if you need to go out on the freeway, you can take heart knowing that all of our major arteries have shoulder lanes, so you won't have to compete with those green-forsaking drivers for the same road.

Here's an added bonus: Because pushing your car is known to increase cardiovascular activity, you can skip the drive to the Gym after work! Just come directly home and you will have already gotten your exercise for the day. (But this isn't a fitness column; we digress!)

Try participating in Push Your Car To Work Day next Wednesday, and if you are like me and thousands of other Alamedans, you'll get hooked on the idea, and make it a habit - at least once a week.

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Greening Your Liquor Cabinet

I have mentioned the environmental benefits of alcohol on occasion, including green beer, the authentic traditional beverage of the world's original environmentalists, the Irish. However, a number of readers have mentioned that beer is not their cup of tea, and asked if there are any other environmentally responsible options when happy hour rolls around.

Well, dear readers, look no further! I have learned that a local establishment called BarSaloona, infamous for its wanton destruction of a priceless piece of Alameda's history, is seeking to redeem itself by offering an eco-friendly alternative to happy hour called "The Green Hour." Apparently, this new event is for environmentalists like you and me to get together and swap tips for green living over green cocktails.

In addition to the green beer I can only assume will be available, many of the featured drinks seem to be made with a new environmentally friendly liquor called Absinthe, otherwise known as "The Green Fairy." I'm not sure, but I think I read about this in a letter to the editor from Milhous K. "Grrr" Sanka. Whatever this Green Fairy is, its eco-benefits are twofold: not only is it green, but it also has something to do with fairies, which always seem to come up when we're talking about the environment. In fact, the proposals for redeveloping that abandoned military base even call for building a fairy terminal!

So, fellow Earth lovers, I'll see you at BarSaloona every 5:30 to 6:30, Tuesday through Sunday. Let's keep our carbon footprints down with a hearty "bottoms up!"

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Removing Dangerous Toxic Chemicals From Your Home

Who doesn't want to live in a safer, greener home? It turns out that many Alameda households still contain a hidden danger: fluorescent light bulbs. Mercury, Argon, Krypton (not Kryptonite!), Cadmium, Hydrogen, and Sodium are all toxic chemicals that comprise this deadly time-bomb. And the so-called "compact" fluorescent bulbs (who has ever seen one that is actually small?) are the worst offenders.

Fortunately, it's easy to "Go Green" by trading in your fluorescent bulbs for high-tech "Incandescent" bulbs. In fact, this week at Paganos, they are selling 8-packs of these new miracle bulbs for only $17.99. Replace all of your fluorescent bulbs — throw them in the trash, before they poison your house — and replace them with these incandescent wonders.

Kermit The Frog famously said "It's Not Easy Being Green" but when you see how easy it is to reduce toxics in your house, you'll see it really is!

Editor's Comments:

By now, Janet Marchant must have given Alamedans all the advice we could possibly need to improve our environment. However, the Alameda Daily Noose and I are sure she will notify us right away if she has any more brilliant ideas about how to save money (or "green," as she calls it) and our precious quality of life on the Treasured Isle of Alameda.

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Green Family Fun with New Lego® Green!

Many of you have probably been wondering how to get your kids involved in being green. Well, now thanks to perennial favorite toy-maker Lego®, it's now possible for your kids to go green, just like Mom and Dad!

After weeks of begging, our eight-year-old son Chad finally broke us down, so we hopped in our brand-new Hybrid Hummer® (Did I mention we bought that? Fodder for another column!) over to Wal-Mart® (where prices are always lower, which of course is very environmentally friendly) to pick up one of the Lego® Green sets. Chad opted for the Prison Camp kit. Well, let me tell you, we haven't been able to get our little boy to come out of his room, even for his favorite TV shows! (Don't worry; we just put a TV in his room so he could watch them while he was playing with his new green "friends." But I digress.)

The set we bought, if it's typical of the rest of the Lego® Green series, is made of high-quality plastic, and contains bricks, plates, some rather scary-looking mini-figures, and pieces that look like plants and bits of trees. All in shades of green that I would describe as neon green, light green, olive drab, gray-green, primary green, dark green, and very dark green.

We're very proud of our son for going green. We're still looking something to occupy his little sister, though. (She's a bit too young to be picking up the tiny pieces.) Yes Mattel, we're looking at you: It's time to come out with Barbie® Green!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Greening Your Decorating Choices

Did you know that the color of your house can affect its impact on the environment, and on your wallet? That's right. Color makes such a big difference that you can get an official certificate for it, because there's an entire national organization dedicated to promoting green buildings.

In the United States, buildings use 72% of all electricity, and produce 38% of carbon dioxide emissions. However, buildings that have been painted green, thus turning them into Green Buildings, use 40% less energy than average buildings, and emit 35% less carbon dioxide. Green buildings also have significantly better lighting quality, which must have something to do with the way light is reflected from their green-painted surfaces.

I've noticed that there are some green buildings in Alameda, and I've heard that at least one building here was awarded one of those special LEED certificates for being extra green, though I'm not sure which building it was. It must be one of the ones that has even the trim painted green.

What a funny coincidence that something literally green can also be green in the environmental sense. I guess that's why environmentally responsible choices are called "green." Anyway, I'm ready to head out and buy some green paint for my own house, because green buildings save you both energy and money, and I could sure use some of that kind of green right now!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Green Spring Cleaning

In Spring, a person's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of cleaning. But wait! Before you pull the trigger on that bottle of spray cleaning solution, have you read the label? I've read a lot of labels in the course of my in-depth green living research, and let me tell you, some of the things on those labels are scary! For your own peace of mind, take a look at what's in your cleaning closet. If you see yucky-sounding words like "Chlorinated phenols" or "Perchloroethylene" on your usual cleaning products, it could be time for a change.

When you see a label like that, immediately remove it from the container of cleaning product. Then, cut out the Green Cleaning label below, and tape it onto the container where the old label was.
Presto! No more scary words. By the way, you might also want to write in a description of what the product is for, so that you don't accidentally wash your clothes in bleach, or Armor All your carpet instead of shampooing it.

Once you get those nasty labels out of your life, you'll rediscover the joy of cleaning with a clear conscience. So come on, everyone, and let's do some green washing!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Un-greening Our Tomatoes!

I'm so disappointed. Just as I was starting to learn about how good local, organic produce is for our planet, I heard that the U.S. Senate is about to put all of those small farmers out of business. As I understand it, big agribusinesses have gotten jealous of the success of farmer's markets and small, local producers, and are demanding that all of those sustainable farms be forced to buy the same produce-bagging and shrink-wrapping machinery that helps larger producers stay at the forefront of producing new strains of E-coli bacteria.

Now, I'm not angry about this, because it's probably just some kind of misunderstanding. Our Senators probably aren't aware of how much healthier organic produce is for us and for our environment, so it's up to fans of green living to introduce them to the joys of truly good fruits and vegetables. There's just no comparing a juicy, vine-ripened tomato at its peak to those bland pieces of styrofoam that pass for tomatoes in some stores. So the best way to help Senators understand the issue would be for some East Coast organic tomato growers to take them free samples of the ambrosial fruits of their labor. Of course, since our elected officials are busy people, it might be hard to get close enough to the Senators to hand them a fragrant slice of delicious tomato, so it's important that someone with a good throwing arm be included in the organic growers' delegation, in case the tomatoes have to be delivered all in one piece, and in a hurry.

It's true that throwing the tomatoes could get messy, especially since only the ripest, juiciest samples will do for the purposes of educating Senators. But then, they are probably also not aware of how much fun it can be to get covered in tomato juice and pulp, as many surprised tourists in Spain discover every year in the city of Buñol.

Apparently, no-one really knows how the tomato-smashing festival started, but I read that "one of the most popular theories is that disgruntled townspeople attacked city councilmen with tomatoes during a town celebration." The councilmen must have enjoyed the experience enough to make it a yearly event. And the moral of that story is that when you mix ripe tomatoes and elected officials, wonderful things will happen!

So, how about it, green living lovers? Who wants to take some transformative tomatoes to Washington D.C.?

Green Living by Janet Marchant: New Book Has Greens Seeing Red

I was browsing at the local bookstore the other day when I made a shocking discovery. There's a new book out that claims that only a complete idiot would be interested in green living! At least I think this is what the book claims, because I haven't read it and I have no intention of doing so.

You see, if I bought the book, I'd only be enriching its misguided author, and if people saw me reading it in the bookstore or checking it out from the library, they might mistake that for some kind of endorsement. No, I'm not taking any chances with something this important. That's why I'm calling for a boycott of every bookstore and library that has this hateful tome on its shelves!

Of course, pre-eminent environmental authors have extensive research needs, not to mention a weakness for eco-romance novels during the summer beach reading season, so I won't be participating in the boycott myself. Nevertheless, I'm sure that everyone else's selfless actions will send the message loud and clear that green living is for all of us, not just complete idiots!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Clean Coal!

We here in Alameda are lucky that our local power company, The Bureau of Alameda Telecom and Green Electrical Municipal Power (BATGEMP), provides us with 100% "green" electricity. They are able to do this is by using Clean Coal, an energy technology that is backed by everybody—Environmentalists, the Coal industry who creates it, and of course President Obama. Well, it's opposed by a few "reality-based" nut-cases but we won't worry about them.

Now, we all know about the benefits of burning coal, and of course Clean Coal is even better! Here's a great video about Clean Coal. (There seems to be some kind of typo in the text right at the end, so I would just ignore that part if I were you.)



One of the great things about Clean Coal is that it allows us to burn coal, which some short-sighted people over the years have argued is not particularly good for the environment, in a clean fashion. It's so clean, you can take a bath in it, in fact. Ever since I learned that our electricity comes from such clean sources, my family has boosted our electrical consumption in order to "vote with our pocketbooks" for this kind of technology. We hope that you will too.

Here are some ideas on how to consume extra electricity so that you can encourage more production of Clean Coal:

• Wash your clothes, but take them out before the final spin cycle. Carefully put your dripping clothes into your dryer (it is all-electric, isn't it?) and start it up. Be sure to check on your clothes every few hours to make sure that you have not over-dried your clothes.
• Put a humidifier and a dehumidifier into the same room and let them "fight it out."
• If you have an air conditioner—a necessity in Alameda, really—you can also do the same by using it at the same time as your electric heaters. If you don't have an air conditioner, just open a window for a similar effect, but do try to get an air conditioner installed as soon as possible.
• In case you haven't removed those dangerous compact fluorescent bulbs from your light fixtures, replace them immediately…with Halogen bulbs, if at all possible, so that your rooms feel sunnier.
• Give your fireplace a break and heat your home with your hair dryers. (But be sure to do it safely—remember that we have been asked to have fewer fires.)
• Buy rechargeable batteries! Yes, I know this is counterintuitive, but here's the twist—charge them up using Alameda electricity, and then send them as presents to your out-of-town friends. Just be sure to tell them to send them back to you for further recharging after they run out, or just dispose of them if that is not convenient.
• Turn your electric water heater up to the highest possible setting. Not only will this encourage BATGEMP to send more Clean Coal power your way, it will keep your water safe and disinfected. Can't get much greener than that!
• Leave your refrigerator and freezer doors propped open. You will probably need to adjust their thermostats slightly to compensate.
• Do not turn appliances off, ever. You may need to think "outside the box" for this, because some appliances were not meant to be left on for long periods of time. We all know that turning electrical appliances on and off shortens their lifespan, so figuring out a way to keep your appliances on will reduce wear and tear as well as encouraging the production of more Clean Coal. For example, use duct tape to hold down the handle on your toaster so that the toast doesn't pop up (thereby turning off the toaster and breaking the flow of electricity). Just keep a fork handy to pull the toast out manually while the heating coils stay cookin'.

If we all set a goal to increase our electricity usage by 200% here in Alameda, just think how much more Clean Coal will be produced—and by doing so, we'll be greener and cleaner than ever!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Recycling Your Summer Fun!

Happy summer, everyone! I know I'm a little early, since it won't be the official first day of summer until Monday, but it's the perfect time for some summer green living tips.

Usually at this time of year, I'd be getting ready to load the family into the hybrid SUV for a trip to Yosemite or to Disneyland, but have you seen how much it costs to get a whole family into Disneyland these days? I am seriously interested in saving some of that green for other things this year, like our suddenly-readjusted mortgage.

That's why I've come up with a better plan for family fun this summer: we'll just rehash our old vacations! There are plenty of photos from other trips that we can look at together to relive the excitement as a family.

We can say to the kids, "Remember the time when we went to Disneyland and spent half our time in the cinema, because after that we went on a ride, and Chad felt sick afterwards, and then he threw up and we all ended up going home because it turned out he was coming down with the flu? Wasn't that a lot of fun?"

Wow! I could really get used to this armchair traveling, and I'm sure the kids will love it too. So why not get started today with saving some green by recycling your family vacations?

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Turn What's Left of Your Thanksgiving Feast Green!

I love Thanksgiving, because it's one of our greenest holidays. There are always plenty of leftovers to recycle, and we all know how good recycling is for the environment! In my family, we make sure to go that extra mile by starting out with food that reduces harm to the planet. That's why the centerpiece of our annual feast is not the traditional but environmentally unfriendly turkey, but rather the biggest ol' hunk o' corn-fed beef that we can manage to choke down. You see, cows give off large quantities of methane gas, which contributes significantly to global warming, so it's important to reduce the number of cows on the planet. Since they reproduce so rapidly, it's important to eat them quickly so that we don't find ourselves up to our necks in cows, choking to death on methane.

Once Thanksgiving is over, many people are tempted to save their leftovers for sandwiches, but that is a huge mistake. The green thing to do is recycle your leftovers, because the more stuff you recycle, the better it is for the planet! In fact, we make sure to cook at least three or four times more food than we can eat, just to increase the amount we have to recycle.

Of course, you can recycle any uneaten beef and other foods in your green bin, but that's just for starters. Biodiesel is all the rage these days, so why not improve your gas mileage by adding some leftover gravy to your car's tank? Then, take that old macaroni salad and help the kids design their own crafts projects with it. When the mayonnaise dressing gets tacky enough, it will act as a glue to keep the macaroni pieces on the paper or stuck to each other. Also, you can quickly make an attractive set of coasters by shellacking slices of cooked yam, and you'll be that much better prepared for next year's entertaining.

These are just a few ideas to get you started. I'd love to hear your inspirations for creative Thanksgiving recycling, too. Tips on what to do with a spare side of beef would be especially helpful. If you send some, I'll be giving my thanks to you!

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Host an Earth Day Party!

Earth Day is Coming!

I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not going to be going to the official "Planet Alameda" Earth Day Celebration. Yes, I'm happy that our City Leaders recognized that Alameda is its own planet, as I mentioned last year. But it's inexcusable that they are still using Squirrels as part of their imagery, despite being called on the carpet two years ago by the Alameda Daily Noose (months before Yours Truly joined the Alameda Daily Noose Staff).

Instead of going the to City festivities, why not host your own Earth Day Party at home? It's easy and fun!

First, make a list of all your friends and invite them. Even if you have friends who live in cities that are not Alameda, be sure to invite them too, so you can show them how nice it is to live on Planet Alameda. (Since Earth Day is coming soon, you can't trust the mail, so you will need to hand-deliver your invitations. Fill up your Hybrid Hummer with Earth-Friendly gas at one of Alameda's Valero Gas Stations, and be sure to tell the owners that you are supporting their efforts to fight Global Warming while you are at it).

Be sure to warn the neighbors that you will be having a party, and ask them to move their cars over to the next block so there will be plenty of parking for your friends when they arrive!

Stock up on Earth-Day-Themed party goods at your local Party Zone! or Fiesta Barn. Get your Earth Day Paper Plates, Earth Day Paper Napkins, and of course some nice GREEN Earth Day Plastic Silverware!

For the party itself, you can truly have an Earth-themed "bash" by taking turns bashing on an Earth Piñata! You can make one of your own by using an old globe, filling it with yummy candy treats like green M&Ms, or perhaps some cute little plastic mini-toys from ever-green China and then covering your earth with bits of tissue paper!.

Enjoy your Earth Day Party!