Thursday, December 6, 2007

Milhous K. "Grrr" Sanka Defends His, Um, Friend

My Fair, Balanced Editor:

How fortunate that Walter Drib has provided me with an opportunity to refute the claims that I exaggerate about the Sun-Blotting intentions of our City government. I have – never, not even once, exaggerated in my life – and I am not prone to making blanket statements of any kind without being absolutely sure that I am 110% correct in my beliefs.

First Mr. Drib makes all kinds of salacious suggestions about my relationship with a certain former Ennui Board member whose name I shall not sully by dragging poor Marlene into this tawdry affair. I assure Mr. Drib that this person and I are merely Good Friends, nothing more. I will have Mr. Drib know that the rumors he has heard are groundless. If he must know, I was visiting her sick mother. She was sick for quite some time, and to this day she suffers frequent relapses, the Poor Dear. I ask him, does he begrudge me the fact that I accepted Miss Verloren's, er, I mean, this person's generous offer of breakfast and a cigarette after one or two of these extended Sympathy Calls?

And I believe that Mr. Drib is entirely mistaken in his opinion of a certain former Ennui Board member's worthiness. There is no one better qualified to serve on that board than Marlene, I mean that unnamed person – is, and her lack of attendance at meetings was proof of that. Anyone with even a passing familiarity with the concept of "ennui" would understand that arriving bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for each and every one of these tedious, banal exercises in Bureaucracy known as "meetings" – when one could instead be sitting in a dark cafe sipping Absinthe, chain smoking and contemplating the utter futility of Existence, would demonstrate that one was entirely unfit to serve on the Ennui Board.

Milhous K. "Grrr" Sanka

No comments: