Thursday, December 6, 2007

Milhous K. "Grrr" Sanka Defends His, Um, Friend


My Fair, Balanced Editor:

How fortunate that Walter Drib has provided me with an opportunity to refute the claims that I exaggerate about the Sun-Blotting intentions of our City government. I have – never, not even once, exaggerated in my life – and I am not prone to making blanket statements of any kind without being absolutely sure that I am 110% correct in my beliefs.

First Mr. Drib makes all kinds of salacious suggestions about my relationship with a certain former Ennui Board member whose name I shall not sully by dragging poor Marlene into this tawdry affair. I assure Mr. Drib that this person and I are merely Good Friends, nothing more. I will have Mr. Drib know that the rumors he has heard are groundless. If he must know, I was visiting her sick mother. She was sick for quite some time, and to this day she suffers frequent relapses, the Poor Dear. I ask him, does he begrudge me the fact that I accepted Miss Verloren's, er, I mean, this person's generous offer of breakfast and a cigarette after one or two of these extended Sympathy Calls?

And I believe that Mr. Drib is entirely mistaken in his opinion of a certain former Ennui Board member's worthiness. There is no one better qualified to serve on that board than Marlene, I mean that unnamed person – is, and her lack of attendance at meetings was proof of that. Anyone with even a passing familiarity with the concept of "ennui" would understand that arriving bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for each and every one of these tedious, banal exercises in Bureaucracy known as "meetings" – when one could instead be sitting in a dark cafe sipping Absinthe, chain smoking and contemplating the utter futility of Existence, would demonstrate that one was entirely unfit to serve on the Ennui Board.

Milhous K. "Grrr" Sanka

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