Editor's Note: Above is an excerpt from a strange note that was attached to a brick and thrown through the window of Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters. We knew right then that we had a story so hot that we took the extraordinary step of stopping the presses on the latest gripping golf-related press release from the City and clearing the journalistic deck for this bombshell. The Alameda Daily Noose and I are not sure, but we think the note has something to do with the strange goings-on in Alameda's Kofman Auditorium on which we reported last week. In order to spare our readers a severe case of eyestrain, the Alameda Daily Noose and I dutifully transcribed the entire note, which reads as follows:
MY DEaR, SWeET, TeNDeR eDITOR:
PLEASe uSE YOUr GREAt iNFLUeNCe To COnVINce The A.c.L.O. tO cOMPlY WITh The foLlOWInG DeMANDS, alL OF WhiCH I WRotE, ALL By MySeLf:
PAy BACK WhAT YOU OWe
OR ELSe YOU WiLL NEVER See YOUR PreCIouS hEARiNg AID DEvices FoR The HEARinG iMPAiReD AGAiN!
iDIotS! yOu SHoUld HAve BOLTeD THOsE DEViCEs DOWN WHeN yOU "iNSTALLeD" THEM!
fOOLS! yOU Do noT kNOW WhO YOu Are DEALIng WITH!
iN FACT SOMETiMes i MYSElF DO nOT kNOW!
Ha HA HA "HA"!
SiGneD, YOUrs tRULy,