The Alameda Daily Noose and I overheard reliable sources speculating that Cap'n Everett Street had not been drinking before last night's boat-lighting ceremony. These sources noted that the Cap'n did not seem to be reciting his nautical poetry selections with the dramatic flair and slight slurring that he usually displays on such occasions, but rather in a style closer to his everyday, gruff monotone. Furthermore, he made no attempt to throw any of the Dancing Sea Cucumbers into the water, which is a possibility that we have all learned to watch out for.
Cap'n Everett's shocking lack of inebriation last night must be due to rising rum prices. If we assume that business is down at the Rusty Scupper Family Seafood Restaurant as a result of the economic downturn, then it's obvious that the Cap'n is trying to cut corners by watering down the drinks, especially those containing now-more-expensive rum.
It's thanks to our ability to mentally fill in the blanks between bits of gossip that the Alameda Daily Noose and I are able to bring you this somewhat exclusive story. Stay tuned for more hard-hitting journalism as further juicy whisperings come to our attention.