December 8, 2003—a Date Which Will Live in Zeppelin Infamy

On this day, five years ago, the former Alameda Naval Air Station played an important role in demonstrating to the world the fearsome threat that Zeppelin traffic poses. Not only is the traffic congestion terrible when vehicles that large are bumbling around our skies, but their very presence in our community brings with it the seeds of fiery destruction.

The disastrous flammability of Zeppelins was aptly demonstrated by those people who blow things up on T.V. They call themselves Truth Blasters, or something like that, but the important thing is that they do their best work in Alameda, where we love to see our fears confirmed on television.

The sheer speed with which a Zeppelin can combust is shocking. Now, some people will say that modern Zeppelins are safer than the kind that so famously burned on that day at Alameda Point, but that is just their opinion. The Alameda Daily Noose and I will not sit idly by while the risk of flaming Zeppelins hangs over us, not unlike the risk of flaming Squirrels. Those who actively promote Zeppelins, or deny their dangers, are not to be trusted.

The facts of this day speak for themselves. The people of Alameda have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our great island nation. Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated Zeppelin invasion, the Alamedan people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.