Squirrels Being Taught Kung Fu

The Alameda Daily Noose and I have just learned that the USA Kung Fu Studio, having recently moved from their location on Webster Street to a larger Park Street location, has been secretly training Squirrels in Kung Fu combat techniques.

We photographed some Squirrels practicing their black-belt moves in the empty lot next door. All individuals present were engaged in a Chinese martial art developed during the Shang dynasty. Those Squirrels were as rapid as some kind of meteorological phenomenon involving electrical discharge. In fact, it was sufficient to cause a moderate level of alarm.

The obvious question is: Why are Squirrels undergoing martial arts training, and whom are they planning on battling?