Friday, December 5, 2008

Absence of Evidence Is Not Necessarily Evidence of Absence

The Alameda Daily Noose and I know that you are eager for more Green Living tips from Janet Marchant, but breaking news requires that we put her popular column on hold this week.

Tragedy has struck Alameda, this time not in the form of new buildings, but damage to an existing one. As soon as the Alameda Daily Noose and I heard reports of the fire on Willow Street this week, we had our suspicions about who was behind it. Back in October, we warned that an attack by a flaming Squirrel in one of those cities that is not Alameda was an indication that the Sciurine Menace would soon attempt similar destruction within our own borders. We scrutinized reports of the investigation on the Willow Street incident, but found no evidence of Squirrel involvement described there.

This lack of evidence brought us to a horrible realization: the Squirrels have learned how to completely cover their tracks! Even Alameda's finest have been stymied by these devious creatures. But even if the human suspects turn out to be connected to this petty act of arson, we all know who the masterminds were. Who else would deliberately choose a target on a street named after a tree?

If we hope to nip these ominous tree-related developments in the bud, all Right-Thinking Alamedans, especially those intrepid few who investigate crimes, need to familiarize themselves with the tell-tale signs of Squirrel activity. The revealing diagram below should give you a good start.

And remember, even if you don't see evidence of Squirrels, you can still know that they have been around.

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