Monday, May 14, 2007

Morton A. Whitling thinks I am a God!

Dear Editor,

Thank you so much for the Alameda Daily Noose. It is a beautiful thing. And your television show is just spectacular. I watch every episode over and over again until I have memorized everything you say. Really - if you run into me at the grocery store some time, just quiz me and I am sure that I can quote you back to you, verbatim, from any show since the June 19, 2002 episode. Then again, I might be a bit too "star-struck" to be coherent around you; thank goodness for the Internet where we can carefully compose our letters to the editor and take out all the speling mistakes!

Anyways, my wife Claire is expecting, I am wondering if you and your wife would be godparents to our child (it's a girl!!!) It would be an amazing honor to have a celebrity as "part of the family." We love you all so much and we want our daughter to grow up with you as part of her life.

Your website is just so AMAZING. I love the color yellow; it's so under-used in journalism for some reason. And I just can't get over how impartial you are. And I appreciate you printing only the news that none of the other newspapers will print. It shows that you care about Alameda, and you aren't in the pocket of those fat-cat developers who want nothing more than to turn Alameda into a dirty, crowded city like Oakland.

I just love Alameda. I love getting in my car, rolling down the windows, and smelling the beautiful air generated by our beautiful trees along the street. Sometimes I even take myself for a spin down to the beach, and look at the beautiful high-rises in San Francisco and be thankful that they are far, far away. I love to drive by the Victorians and wave at them, and drive by the apartments and give them dirty looks (and even say "boooooo" when I've had a few too many, but don't tell that to the Mrs.!) This is what makes Measure A great. Alameda. It's what it's all about, and you are there, watching over it for us.

And thank you for standing up to defend Measure A. It's a tireless job, but as a journalist with integrity, you push aside the naysayers and you don't let them have their piece. It's what democracy is all about, and it makes me proud to be an Alamedan-American.


Morton A. Whitling

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dearest Roger,

I can't believe you published Morton Whitling's letter without mentioning me! If Morton really liked you he wouldn't just offer to let you be the godfather of his children, oh no! If he was a TRUE fan he would have NAMED his kids after you, just like I did! Don't you remember all of the birth announcements (suitable for framing, I might add) that I sent you? This was my way of letting you know that your spirit and inspiration will live on in your namesakes: my son Roger and my three lovely daughters Rogerette, Rogerina, and Rogerella.

I've printed out every page of every issue of your soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper and turned them into children's books that I have read to the kids every night since they were born. I even had my wife sit right next to the TV every time she was pregnant so the kids could hear your show in utero, and we have a TV and VCR in the nursery with your show running on a continuous loop. Now that's real devotion, unlike fair-weather friends like that guy Morton.

Really, Roger, you know how much I love and respect and worship you and the ground you and all the rest of the Alameda Daily Noose editorial staff walks on, but to print HIS letter and not even mention MY name... I'm really not normally the jealous type, but I find this almost too much to bear. Please, please say this was all a mistake... but alas, no, I know all too well that you don't make mistakes. Oh, Roger, why have you forsaken me?!

Heartbroken in Alameda,
Maltin Sherry