Maybe you've noticed that lately, our publication of articles hasn't exactly been . . . regular. Yes, there's been trouble brewing deep in the bowels of Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters, with our staff straining around the clock to get those stories out. We've been told that you can't rush this kind of investigative journalism, but we recently made a discovery at that local hippie grocery store that finally cured our writers' block. Yes, once again we have scooped all of the other major news media by getting not one, but two scoops of sweet, moist organic California pitted prunes for the absolutely unheard-of price of only $6.19 per pound. Prices like that are sure to keep our staff going for a long, long time!
As our Pulitzer-prize-eligible photograph proves, Alameda is the place to go for bulk quantities of dried-out fruits all packed together. The amazing selection is enough to make shoppers go bananas! Well, dried bananas anyway, at just $2.69 per pound. We're also working on a hot tip from one of the patchouli-drenched tree-huggers at the hippie grocery store that Alameda is also a fantastic place to find large numbers of totally organic California nuts. We hope to have an even bigger scoop on that story soon, so please, don't tell any of the other major news media!