Recently, presumably under cover of darkness, the Evil Developers of The Shopping Center Formerly Known as South Shore unveiled the starkest evidence yet that they are working hand-in-paw with the greatest threat Alameda has ever known: Squirrels. Yes, right there in a public open space, in full view of everyone, including children, is a life-sized bronze statue of a Squirrel rearing up on his hind legs, poised to unleash a terrible attack on an unsuspecting populace!
Alameda Daily Noose and I have long suspected that the Evil Developers and the Squirrels have been conspiring to create a secret alliance to destroy Alameda. We had warned that Alamedans should not wait until they had "proof" . . . but now we have that proof, in the form of a life-sized bronze statue! Now the unthinkable has come to pass, and it's time for all right-thinking Alamedans to raise your voices (and whatever implements you might just happen to have in your hands) high and shout in protest!
In response to the imminent threat, a new community group has spontaneously organized: "Save Quiet, Unspoiled Islands from Rapacious Rodent Evildoing Limb-Hoppers Attacking, Terrorizing, and Endangering Residents: Squirrels!" (S.Q.U.I.R.R.E.L.-H.A.T.E.R.S.!).