Hey, kids! At first glance, you might think that the following text is a reprint of a press release taken straight from the City of Alameda's Web site. However, if you look closely, you'll see that Alameda Daily Noose and I are not content merely to reprint press releases, like all of the other major news media do, no Siree, Bob! No, we prefer to take the press release, make a few changes here and there, and then neglect to cite the source. Of course, the changes are all made in the interest of clarity and by no means betray any sort of editorial bias on our part. Furthermore, our failure to cite the source is not, as it might first appear to anyone who's taken a high-school-level writing course, an instance of plagiarism; rather, it is a community service to avoid confusing our readers with superfluous information. So, without further ado, here is the much-anticipated press release:
Be the first one of our readers to identify the 11 words that were changed, the 20 words that were deleted, and the 109 words that were added, and you could win a cheesy "award" and a bottle of wine with a whimsical name. For bonus points, identify the one (1) factual error we accidentally slipped into the press release along with our changes, but please do so privately. After all the crowing we did about mistakes on other people's Web sites, we don't wish to have our own journalistic dirty laundry hung out in a public forum, for all to see. Here's a hint: Take a long, hard look at your calendar.
The block of Central Avenue between Oak Street and Park Street will be closed between the hours of 9:00 A.M. and 2:00 p.m. tomorrow, and Tuesday, May 7, 2007. The temporary closure is required to facilitate trenching across Central Avenue, which will bring permanent power to the cine . . . er, I mean, super-mega-monster-plex and parking garage projects that everyone hates. While the public parking lot situated across from the construction project that everyone hates, will remain open via its two driveways on Alameda Avenue, the northern driveway located along Central Avenue will be closed during the street closure hours. As needed, a construction flagman will be available to assist with directing traffic in the parking lot and along Central Avenue during the street closures and to offer hugs and sympathy to disconsolate citizens distraught over the havoc being wreaked upon Our Fair City by this terrible, terrible project that everyone hates.
All surrounding businesses, churches, and their parking lots will remain open during the street closure, and emergency vehicle access will be maintained at all times. Signs placed throughout the surrounding area will provide drivers with information about the temporary street closure. Even though it was included in the original press release, we're not going to tell you the name and telephone number of the person with the City of Alameda whom you should contact for more information, because that person has been a spokespers . . . er, I mean, shill for the super-mega-monster-plex project that everyone hates, and we don't want to give her the opportunity to subject any more Alamedans to her pro-super-mega-monster-plex-project-that-everyone-hates propaganda.