Lon Geddoff Sets Frieda Bellows Straight on Doughnut Hole Story

Editor,

I can't believe you published that ridiculous letter from Frieda Bellows about doughnut holes, without any kind of comment or anything. She doesn't understand that when the government talks about "The Donut Hole," they mean the drive-thru shop where I always get my daily dozen. They want to close The Donut Hole because of some nonsense about donuts not being healthy, and on top of depriving us of donuts, they want to make senior citizens go to the doctor even when we feel okay. They call it preventive medicine, and I don't like it!

Why are they trying to force good health on everyone? It's my right as an American to go bankrupt trying to pay off inflated drug and hospital bills. If I want to die prematurely, without leaving behind so much as a penny to help my children cover the funeral costs, that's my business!

If anything needs to be prevented, it's this healthcare reform nonsense. It's just another example of government trying to tell us what to do! Well, let me tell you, they will have to pry my right to go broke and die from my cold, dead fingers! And the same goes for the doughnuts.

Lon Geddoff

Jack-Booted Government Thugs Threaten Our Seniors' Pastries

Editor,

I keep hearing people say that the federal government is trying to save money by taking doughnut holes away from senior citizens. First, they try to ban our doughnuts, then they try to take away even our doughnut holes! How are we supposed to defend ourselves?

Frieda Bellows

Imperial Forces Take Over Alameda Library

We warned you. But did anyone listen? Time and again, the Alameda Daily Noose sounded the alarm that fishy things were afoot at the Alameda Library, as they first stocked books written by people who don't even live here, and then expanded their already inappropriate collection to include smut.

But now, there is no denying that all of those ominous signs were pointing to the same thing...our city, including the public library, is under the thumb of the Evil Empire.

Yes, all of those mysterious meeting that the City Council held behind closed doors must have been meetings with none other than the Evil Emperor. For all those years, they tried to make us believe that the outrageous size of the new library was necessary to hold all of the "books" and spaces for "students" to do "homework," while in truth they were building it to conceal the massive death ray that we can only conclude is aimed straight at the heart of Alameda.

Of course, if the library's death ray were fully operational, they would already have used it against us. That means there is still time! If every Right-Thinking Alamedan refuses to pay any overdue book fines, we will cut off the funding for their secret project. And while we stage our noble rebellion, be sure not to check out any additional materials, or indeed to set foot in the not-so-free library for any reason, because as you can see, they will be waiting for you.

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Another Tip for Green Pest Control

If you're like me, you're always forgetting to put the lid back on the sugar bowl after sprinkling your organic cornflakes. Well, the other day, I was shocked to discover the open bowl swarming with ants! There must have been nearly three of them! Of course, my first impulse was to grab my can of Raid Green, but I suddenly remembered how woozy the smell of it makes me when I use it outdoors. Using it inside would probably just make that problem worse.

Hoping for a green but more pleasant alternative, I went online and found out that the very sugar that seems to attract ants can also be used to help destroy them. As soon as I saw that, I knew what to do. Hopping in my hybrid SUV, I drove to Wal-Mart and bought a bunch of the biggest bags of sugar I could find. Then I dumped them out in one of those places that the City reserves for people to drop off old couches, rags, empty beer bottles, t.v.'s, random construction debris and other junk, reasoning that such a location would be safe for the aerial bombing that might be necessary to destroy the ants once they all congregated on the huge sugar pile.


You see, I remembered that this strategy worked well in the 1954 documentary Them! You can see from the picture above, taken from that film, that the giant ants are climbing up a big pile of sugar, where they make an easy target for the aircraft above.

So remember, all-natural products like sugar can allow us to use nature to fight nature, and that's what being green is all about!

Are We Great? Do Investigative Bears Report in the Journalistic Woods?

Dear Daily Noose,

I was really offended that you characterized the second-rate news reporter who is challenging our mayoral candidates as a bungling "cub reporter."

It is clear to me that this reporter is no cub, but is instead a full-grown grizzly bear, intrepidly uncovering the many slugs that lie beneath the rotten stumps in this town.

Why am I so sure? Because:

1) He says he's an "investigative journalist." Everyone knows that in order to be an investigative journalist, you need to have quite a few years of experience in basic journalism under your belt. Ergo, if he says he's an investigative journalist, he can't be a cub reporter. Some even say he's the only investigative journalist in town. Don't you get it?

2) He has background sources. Have you ever noticed how often this investigative journalist says stuff like, "some say the fix was already in" or "some say this reflects on his character?" Journalists for the Totally Co-Opted Mainstream Newspapers say things like, "A highly placed official who wasn't willing to speak on the record said..." But why waste words? Just say "some say." Sounds authoratative!

3) His coverage is balanced. First he interviews someone he agrees with. Then he quotes a mysterious background source who agrees with him. Then he quotes his own prior articles in the comment section. Three kinds of sources! That's balance! Haven't you ever seen a three-legged stool?

In the future, please be more respectful of the investigative journalist in this town. You know he's the only one who knows what's REALLY going on.


Signed,
Another Grumpy Newbie

[Editor note - If this reader thinks that the cub reporter we mentioned yesterday is really a grizzly, then we can only imagine that in this reader's eyes, we must be…well, we don't know, something even bigger and more powerful…like…like a a 700-foot-tall mutant bear with X-ray vision and atomic breath or something. Or at least its journalistic equivalent, in stature, insight and destructive power.]

Cub Reporter Bungles Attempt to Get Alameda Mayoral Candidates to Answer Perfectly Fair Questions on Parcel Tax

Last week we received an e-mail from Alameda mayoral candidate Anthony Daysog, in which he shamelessly ducked a series of perfectly fair questions about the $659/year (residential) parcel tax recently approved by the Alameda Unified School District.

These perfectly fair questions were apparently posed by a cub reporter for some second-string news outlet we've never heard of. Although we admire his pluck... it's pretty clear that he needs a bit more practice at posing questions in a fair and balanced manner that is sure to elicit a response....

For example, instead of asking this...

Knowing that the redevelopment association is keeping money from the schools, do you endorse the parcel tax?

It would have been much more perfectly fair to ask....

Knowing that the cold-hearted cabal at the quote-unquote redevelopment association is twirling its collective mustache and laughing diabolically as it prepares to tie our sweet, innocent children to the railroad tracks of underfunding, all the time with the locomotive of fiscal catastrophe bearing down upon them, do you nevertheless still pig-headedly insist on endorsing this travesty of a farce of a charade of a so-called parcel tax?

Normally, we wouldn't embarrass a potential fellow journalist by exposing such substandard work to public criticism, but we believe it would be instructive for our readers to compare such a well-meaning but underdeveloped piece to the impeccable work that we turn out every day here at the Inaction Alameda Alameda Daily Noose by Inaction Alameda. For all of those aspiring reporters out there, we'll give you ten extra credit points if you can correct all of the stylistic and content shortcomings of the full list of questions that we received, and mail your revisions to us at: alamedadailynoose@gmail.com

Here is the e-mail we received.

From: Anthony Daysog
Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2010 9:31 PM
To: Mowster; Michele at the Island of Alameda;
Eve at the Island of Alameda;
P Hegarty at Bay Area News Group;
D Evanosky at Alameda Sun; Sam Felsing;
C Johnson at SF Chronicle;
Carolyn Jones at SF Chronicle;
J Diaz at SF Chronicle;
C Rux at Bay Area News Group;
Daniel Aaron Jacobson;
Robert Gammon at East Bay Express;
R Gammon at East Bay Express;
SED Writer; Lauren Do; Alameda Daily Noose;
Dan at Karelia; JKW Blog;
J P Tracey at Alameda Sun; Barbara Kahn

Subject: Re: Media Inquiry:Will you endorse
AUSD Parcel Tax?

Yes, I endorse the upcoming parcel tax measure
wholeheartedly. Our schools need the funding
because of the dramatic cuts made by Sacramento
legislators.

The fact of the matter is that when prospective
residents and/or businesses look for places to
locate, the first question on their mind is, "How
good are the schools?" So, we need the best
possible school district if we hope to be the
progressive, world-class city we are striving to
be.

So, yes, I wholeheartedly endorse the parcel tax.
Thanks for asking. All the best.

- Tony Daysog : )



--- On Wed, 3/17/10, David Howard wrote:

From: David Howard
Subject: Media Inquiry:Will you endorse AUSD Parcel
Tax?
To: Frank at Frank for Mayor,
D Linney at Next Generation, Tony Daysog,
M Gilmore at Ci Alameda CA US
Cc: Mowster
Date: Wednesday, March 17, 2010, 1:59 AM
On behalf of Action Alameda News... note that I
also write occaisionally for Examiner.com on
Alameda County issues, so I might write about this
there as well, your response, or non-response as
the case may be....

This message is being sent to the three self-
declared Alameda Mayoral candidates, Frank
Matarrese, Marie Gilmore and Tony Daysog....

As you well know by now, earlier this week AUSD
passed a replacement tax, representing a 114%
increase in the combined amount of Measures A and H
for residential property owners. ($659/yr v.
$309/year)

My questions for each of you, are, given the
following:


1) California Redevelopment Association suit to
block State re-allocation of local redevelopment
funds to schools.

http://www.calredevelop.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section
=Home&CONTENTID=6365&TEMPLATE=/CM/ContentDisplay.cfm
Superior Court for Sacramento County, California
Redevelopment Association et al. v. Genest et al.,
Case No. 34-2009-80000359-CU-WM-GDS (CRA v. Genest)


All of you have generally been supportive of the
redevelopment/tax increment financing mechanism in
Alameda, most uniformly around the Alameda
Cineplex/theater/Parking Garage.

Frank, on SunCal's Measure B, you raised the issue
of State taking away redevelopment money as being a
financial problem for SunCal's proposed development
plan for Alameda Point.

Tony, you lent your name to the PtP endorser's
list.

Marie, you (belatedly) spoke out against Measure B.



Given this, do you support the Redevelopment's
association lawsuit to block the re-allocation of
local redevelopment funds for schools?

Knowing that the redevelopment association is
keeping money from the schools, do you endorse the
parcel tax?


2) In a recent article, Dennis Green spoke about
the "de facto segregation" of Alameda schools -
largely White and Asian populations in East End,
Bay Farm and Gold Coast elementary schools, and
more "diversity" in the West-end schools, like
Paden, Franklin, and Ruby Bridges. The publicly
available enrollment data backs this up:
http://www.action-alameda-news.com/ausd-enrollment-
demographics/

AUSD's master plan, approved on Feb 23rd,
acknowledges the achievement gap between African-
American / Hispanic and White / Asian students and
talks about "Plan A" needing a parcel tax. However,
the parcel tax ballot language makes no committent
to allocate funds to address that gap. Indeed, the
ballot language approved earlier this week doesn't
mention the achievement gap at all.

http://www.alameda.k12.ca.us/images/stories/pdfs/bo
emtg/boe022310masterplandocument.pdf

http://www.alameda.k12.ca.us/images/stories/pdfs/bo
emtg/boemeeting_031510_parceltax.pdf



Given this, do you plan to endorse the parcel tax
as written, with no allocation specifically for
addressing the documented achievement gap?

Do you think a parcel tax should such as that
approved by the AUSD Board earlier this week set
aside funds to address this achievement gap?


Please respond by close of business this Friday,
March 19th, if you can. Or let me know when you can
respond. All responses in writing, please.


Thanks!

Dave.

Clueless Reader Again Needs Us to Explain Even the Most Obvious Facts

Editor,

Why do you keep publishing all these stories about Squirrels instead of paying more attention to real problems in Alameda? You went and changed a bunch of other things from the way that Roger Grumbel used to do them, but then the one thing you should have changed, you didn't.

And another thing, you completely ignored my question about what your journalistic credentials are. I remember you had some vague excuses for the tabloid headline and so forth, but you never said what qualifies you to run a noosepaper.

Dubious Reader

[Editor Note: What qualifies us to run a noosepaper? Our readers. We care about them far too deeply to ever betray the absolute trust they place in our skill, honesty, and personal integrity.]