Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Alameda Daily Noose Proudly Supports Freedom of Right-Thinking Speech

A certain technology-savvy youngster just informed the Alameda Daily Noose and me that someone out there in the interwebs has suggested that we ought to censor some of our content. Now, we realize that some of our investigative reporting can turn up shocking revelations, but anyone who thinks it would be better to hide ugly truths from Right-Thinking Alamedans is clearly not familiar with the fundamental principles of running a high-quality noosepaper.

For starters, this is a family noosepaper, so by definition, we select only the noose that is fit to print. Beyond that, we scrupulously allow anyone to say whatever the he—uh, that is, heck they want about our stories, as long as they agree with us. We do not now, nor will we ever censor. Furthermore, we publish every single letter that is submitted to the Daily Noose, except for the ones that we don't.

The Alameda Daily Noose and I are known for being completely unbiased in our reporting, and for treating every issue with the seriousness that it deserves. Freedom of speech is a cherished right for all Alamedans, except for the 15% who foolishly voted in favor of turkey sandwiches, which no true Alamedan would ever do, thus proving that those turkey-huggers don't actually live in Alameda if they do in fact exist at all.

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