Alameda Daily Noose and I Receive Praise for Outstanding Reporting on Every Issue

Hello Mr. G!

This is James "T-Bone" Whitfield coming at you from Ms. Python's Journalism Class at Encinal High School. She gave us an assignment to pick our favorite news source and write a letter to the editor to send them some props, you know what I"m saying, so you know your work is appreciated by the peeps out there. I did some heavy thinking while I was waiting in line at Mickey D's and I decided that almost all of my favorite news sources are actually FAKE ... you know, like parodies and what-not. John Stewart and Steve-o Colbert on the tube, and the Onion on the news racks. I tell you, bro, I learn more about all those countries that we are in a war with, you know those ones that start with "I" and the other ones that end in "istan", than I would watching Katie Couric or reading the Wall Street Windshield Washer!

But you, YOU are the MAN when it comes to tellin it straight for us peeps here at home in A-Town. Maybe you're the last REAL source of REAL facts left that doesn't suck! I hope you print this picture of me and the peeps from my class so I can show em proud. That's me in the middle, my main man Hank who looks like he's growin' out of my head LOL, my cousin Ricky up in the corner with his XGF Katie (but they are still tight, go figure), and Bad Bill over on the right side, and up in front next to me is my sweetie Mishelle and also Heather and Heather, who are both Mishelle's BFFs. You know what I'm sayin, we are a tight group here in our journey class, and Ms. Python should be lucky to have people like us taking her class! LOL, I mean ROTFL. You ever over near the Encinal Campus you just text me to say you're coming and I bet Ms. Python will let you talk up a few at our class, we'd be real honored, cause YOU THE MAN, so don't ever give it up!

Editor's Comments:

The Alameda Daily Noose and I have been receiving even more praise than usual this week. Of course, we are extremely modest about our own talents, but we have pledged to publish every single letter that arrives in our mailbag, without exception (unless you count those letters that the senders clearly wrote accidentally, since no-one could intentionally be so wrong-headed and foolish).

Young Mr. T-Zone clearly has his head screwed on straight. Although he seems a little confused when he lumps that Stephen Colbert fellow in with purveyors of parody, we're sure that his journalism teacher can help clear that up.

Reader Suggests Sensible Rerouting of Zeppelin Traffic

Editor,

I hate to say "I told you so," but…who am I kidding? I love to say "I told you so"! A year ago last Friday I alerted you and your readers of the impending Zeppelin parking disaster, and then again two and a half weeks ago I warned that Alameda's Zeppelin traffic problem was only going to get worse. Well, this weekend I was finally vindicated. This Saturday at about one o'clock I saw a Zeppelin proceeding east along Encinal Ave., barely missing a westbound AC Transit bus:

Then, just two hours later, I saw another eastbound Zeppelin moving along Santa Clara Ave., directly over the already congested intersection with Park St.:


Now, some said my gas-bag warnings were over inflated, but now the skeptics have their proof: two Zeppelins in the space of two hours. I told you so!

This is even worse than I anticipated. We haven't seen two Zeppelins pass by in such rapid succession since the infamous test of the Zeppelin mooring masts atop Super-Mega-Monster-Plex That Everyone Hates, as documented in your explosive exposé just one year ago.

Fortunately for the Right-Thinking citizens of Alameda, I have a plan for dealing with this lighter-than-air menace to our down-to-earth way of life: The street classification of Central Ave. between Fernside Blvd. and High St. should be changed to "Zeppelin collector." Streets like Encinal Ave. and Santa Clara Ave. already carry more than their share of big public transit vehicles, and now those morons at City Hall want to add Zeppelins into the mix? That's crazy. Now, if all that Zeppelin traffic could be collected on one segment of Central Ave., where neither I nor any of my friends and family live, all of our problems would be solved.

Lon Geddoff

Long-Awaited "KFC" Coming to Park Street Shopping District

Dear Rog:

Residents may have noticed the sounds and sights of new construction in the Park Street area for the first time in many months. Yes, that's right, we have a new restaurant coming to the Park Street Shopping District, one that people have been demanding for decades. It's a new business that comes our way all the way from the state of Kentucky, famous for its blue grass music, Bourbon Street, and that adorable little "KU Jayhawk" college mascot. Yes, it's called "Kentucky Fried Chicken", or for those "under twenty" hipsters for convenience in typing into their twittering eye-phones and BlueBerries, its short name is KFC.

We are more than a little excited to have "KFC" finally coming to Park Street! It will be opening up at the corner of Park Avenue (Park Street's younger sibling, but still a part of the Park Street district) and Encinal Avenue, across from Jackson Park. This is great improvement to this corner, which has been needing some fresh businesses for a while. All that we had at this corner was a "restaurant" that was, coincidentally, also called KFC. We're glad that eyesore of a building has finally been demolished and the owners of that seedy dive kicked off of the island, as it was a drain on the Jackson Park area's charming character.

Come by and say "hello" to the friendly construction crew as they put the walls and roof up on Alameda's soon-to-be favorite restaurant. This new part of the Park Street Scene promises to be classy yet family-friendly, and great for both lunchtime high school students on a tight budget as well as the most discerning eater looking for a four-star experience. And don't worry, the owner promises plenty of flat-screen televisions—one over each booth!

—Michael Moose
Executive Director
Park Street Merchants' Association