The Island Has Spoken: You Can't Argue with 85%

Dear Rog,

As we all know, a certain local sandwich shop recently asked patrons to vote on which was their favorite sandwich of two that were new to the menu, and the baloney sandwich won with a whopping 85%! The losing sandwich was turkey, limburger, and anchovies, and it's obvious from the results of the vote that this community has resoundingly rejected turkey sandwiches. The island has spoken.

So, you can imagine my shock when I was in that sandwich shop recently and saw that they still have turkey sandwiches on the menu! There's turkey with Gruyère, turkey with Swiss (which is just like Gruyère, but with a reduced density), and even some "green" sandwich with organic turkey, lettuce, and avocado. I thought we were through with that! Turkey sandwiches should all have been run out this town on a rail right after the vote.

It's clear that everyone who voted for the baloney sandwich did it because they are opposed to turkey. You can't argue with 85%! That means that any bonehead who voted for the turkey, limburger, and anchovy sandwich doesn't understand that turkey is wrong for our community, and they don't deserve to have any say in local sandwich making. I can't believe that the sandwich shop is still accommodating those morons.

Jean Kerkwilligers