Why Does Dawn Diamond Hate Grass So Much?

Editor,

I hear that troublemaker Dawn Diamond is at it again. She had the nerve to suggest that people might want to replace their lawns with plants that need less water and fertilizer! Doesn't she know that we are still in a drought? That means that we have to use as much water as we can, before it runs out.

She even claims that a friend of hers who went through with some hare-belled scheme to chop up her sod, actually likes flowers. Now, I'm not opposed to flowers in general, but who in their right minds would want the things cluttering up their front yard? Here in Alameda, we have big expanses of Kentucky Bluegrass, and that is the one thing that makes this a great town to live in.

Clearly, Miss Diamond is trying to force us all to do something we don't like, all the while pretending that there are people who might actually enjoy saving water and having something other than grass in their front yards. Hah!

I just have one question: why does she hate grass so much?

Frieda Bellows

Editor's Comments:

The vast majority of Alamedans have already voted in favor of grass with their front yards. That means it's time for shills for Big Florist, like that dweeby Dawn Diamond, to be quiet and accept their crushing defeat.