East End Woman Is Victim of Drop in Housing

Following is a press release from the Alameda Police Department:

Yesterday at 7:19 a.m., the Alameda Police Department received a 9-1-1 call initially for a falling structure at 1418 Giallobrico Rd. When the Alameda Fire Department (AFD) arrived, they were met by a confused young girl who appeared to be the occupant of the house, surrounded by a group of oddly dressed little people and a woman clad in white. The woman proceeded to report the homicide of a certain Ms. W. Wich, a resident of Alameda's East End, whose stylishly shod legs were seen protruding from beneath the now earthbound abode. The Alameda Police Department responded and took the girl into custody. AFD used the Jaws of Life to extricate the body, whereupon paramedics confirmed that the victim was killed instantly by massive blunt-force trauma inflicted by a gravitationally accelerated domicile. According to the primary witness, Ms. Wich is survived only by her sister, who resides on the West End.