A Day for Sober Reflection on Journalistic Valor

As the Alameda Daily Noose and I have pointed out many times before, today is a day to not only honor the memory of those who have given their lives in defense of Alameda, but also to recognize the valor of the journalists who risk life and limb to bring the stories of those conflicts back to the folks behind the lines.

You might think that reporting all through the battle to stop Alamedageddon, as we did, would risk enough limbs to last anyone a lifetime, but it turns out that retirement is not easy for those who feel the thrill of journalistic integrity pounding in their veins at the mere mention of Squirrels or Bagpipes threatening our Treasured Island. Perhaps, in the end, the Alameda Daily Noose and I will have to be carried from the field of journalistic valor, as others have been before us. If so, it would be a worthy end to our selflessly noble career.

We have heard rumors that, in a lesser-traveled corner of the interwebs, there still stands a monument to a journalist whose Right-Thinking may have rivaled our own. It brings a tear to our eye to think that one day, the Alameda Daily Noose and I might also have our passing marked by a simple masthead, glowing eternally in the darkness. Meanwhile, our city still needs us, and like those brave men and women in uniform, we are ready to report for duty.

Green Living by Janet Marchant: Enhancing Your Green Guy's Environmental Energy

This column is especially for all of my green sisters out there, so anybody reading this who doesn't have at least two X chromosomes might want to stop reading and go put some gas in the hybrid SUV or something. Now, I'm not one to make broad generalizations, but let's face it: men are just not as environmentally conscious as women. You know what I mean, ladies. So often, your husband or boyfriend just can't quite keep up with you when it comes to living greenly. My own husband means well, bless his heart, but he sometimes can't work up quite as much enthusiasm for saving endangered species as I can. And then, or course, there's the little matter of getting the recyclables into the right bin, and remembering to close the lid afterwards.

Those are the kinds of little problems that can happen to any guy who's trying to live in harmony with the planet, and in harmony with a woman who loves the planet almost as much as she loves him. That's why I was so excited to discover that there is now a way to naturally enhance a man's green living prowess! It all started when I got an e-mail message from someone I don't exactly remember meeting (maybe it was at the beach clean-up last year), saying that her spouse had gotten fantastic results with a new "green male enhancement" supplement. As far as I can tell, this product is an all-natural herbal capsule that strengthens a green male's commitment to the environment in kind of the same way that ginkgo enhances memory.


Wow! It's yet another good idea from that green product powerhouse, China! By following the link in the message, I was able to order a sample pack of the supplement to try on my own "green male". I plan to secretly mix the contents of a capsule into his organic 50-grain muesli tomorrow morning. I'll let you know if the stuff really works for bringing out the planet-saving tiger that I married, and that I know is still in there somewhere. Don't tell him anything about this, though, because I want to avoid the placebo effect. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but I know it has something to do with getting your money's worth out of herbal supplements. And you know me—I like to save some green as much as I like being green!

Baloney Protects Alameda From High-Rise Sandwiches

Editor,

Spin, spin, spin! That's all we hear from these paid shills for Big Turkey. Alameda rejected turkey sandwiches, end of story. Baloney won 85% of the vote against the turkey, limburger and anchovy option, which means that baloney is the only thing protecting this island from the threat of high-rise sandwiches.

The citizens of Alameda need to know what secret agenda David Jones is hiding behind his ridiculous claim that some people actually like turkey. I demand that someone provide me with all of the information there is about turkey producers, turkey sellers and turkey sandwich makers in Alameda, but not in some 500-page, hard-to read document. It needs to be easily digestible.

Basil Rand

The Greatest Love of All

Editor,

I am so sick and tired of people trying to bully me into voting yes on Measure E by telling me they believe the children are our future so we have to teach them well. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to let these pushy little brats lead the way, especially if it means showing them all the hard-earned beauty I possess inside my wallet.

Those parents who say they believe "the children" are "our future" should be honest enough to admit that its THEIR CHILDREN and THEIR FUTURE. Not everyone elses. Certainly not MINE becuase MY kids already GOT their public education, and they did it without this stupid parcel tax, too. What does it take for all you selfish people out there to get it through your thick skulls? I got MY future all taken care of and YOUR future is not my problem!

I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter how guilty people try to make you feel you should not be afraid to say no to new taxes. Dont be ashamed of your money. Not only should you protect it from all those grabby-handed kids, you should hold it close and embrace it warmly. After snuggling up with those wads of cash for a while, I think you will finally agree with me, learning to love your wealth, it is the greatest love of all.

Tamara Barbaras

Reader Who Voted Against Turkey Sandwich Still Claims to Love Turkey

Editor,

I don't understand how Jean Kerkwilligers can conclude that no-one in Alameda likes turkey sandwiches, just because more people voted for the baloney sandwich than the turkey, limburger and anchovy sandwich in the sandwich shop poll. I love turkey sandwiches, I just didn't think I would enjoy a turkey sandwich that also had limburger cheese on it. If it hadn't been for that cheese, I would have voted for the turkey instead of the baloney.

There are lots of reasons why people might have voted for the baloney sandwich instead of the turkey, limburger and anchovy one. To say that the vote proves that the sandwich shop shouldn't offer any kind of turkey sandwich is just a load of baloney.

David Jones

What Has Park Street Merchants' Association Done for Business Owners Lately?

Editor,

It's so sad that no-one besides me is doing anything to support Alameda businesses these days. More and more stores have been closing lately, which is mainly the fault of the Park Street Merchants' Association (PSMA). Businesses in the Park Street district don't get anything of value for their membership dues to PSMA, except for a newsletter and a few mixers where they are expected to waste time getting to know their fellow merchants and perhaps discussing how to help support each other and foster a successful business district together.

What exactly is PSMA doing to help keep businesses afloat in this difficult economy, apart from their usual street fairs that bring tens of thousands of people downtown, and the occasional ads for Park Street in local and regional papers and at the local theater? I mean, apart from helping businesses obtain façade and sign grants that have spruced up many store fronts along Park Street in the past few years, making them more attractive and visible to shoppers, and apart from the extensive streetscape project that brought improved sidewalks, benches and trees and many other benefits to the district, what has PSMA done? Sure, PSMA helped support the renovation of the historic theater, which is nice, but they must have known at the time that there was a huge economic downturn coming, and that it was going to take a lot more than people coming downtown for dinner and a movie to give any kind of boost to surrounding businesses.

Clearly, PSMA's lackadaisical approach to promoting Park Street businesses has had an effect on our entire community. Some businesses have been closing on Webster Street recently, too, like the New Zealander, and the Skippy peanut butter plant. What did PSBA do to try to prevent those closures? And I'm not sure how, but the serious problems with Greece's economy must also be the fault of PSMA.

Of course, I can also blame my fellow Alamedans for all of those problems. Instead of driving off to cities that are not Alameda to do their shopping, they should be buying things here, whether they need them or not. Why should people buy balloons and party favors only when they are throwing a birthday party? And why is it that people only go to restaurants when they are hungry? Everyone should be patronizing local businesses as much as they possibly can. I have 62 pairs of waterproof yachting boots in my closet right now that I haven't worn yet, but I try to make sure to support every one of Alameda's shoe stores at least once a week. And yet, it's still not enough. Please, somebody, give me a hand here! Go buy some ice cream, or scrapbook supplies, or new power tools, or something.

Lane O. McHail
PhD, MBA, CFC
Celebrated Yacht Racer and Muralist

Green Living by Janet Marchant: How to Save More on Gas Than You've Ever Dreamed of Spending!

Oh, boy! It's time again for my family's annual trip to the dealership to pick up one of the very latest hybrid SUV's. Springtime is the perfect time to spring into gas savings with a new, high-powered vehicle that will be the envy of all your green friends and neighbors. We always make sure to test drive the biggest, heaviest new models we can find, and see how difficult it is to park them, because we know that the more times we have to drive around a block looking for a space we can squeeze into, the more gallons of gas we are saving with the hybrid over a comparably sized vehicle without that miraculous feature. (Somebody once tried to explain to us the difference between the amount of gas saved and the total used, but it sounded complicated, so we just stick with our maximum gas savings rule.)

Yes, I know it's hard to think about buying a new car in these tough financial times, but when you think about how much money you'll save by filling up the tank of a hybrid SUV instead of an ordinary one, you'll see that you can't afford not to buy a new vehicle.

I'm not sure what our best option will be this year. The hybrid Behemoth looks like a nice model, but so do the Travesty and the Circumnavigator. We're just going to have to drive a bunch of different ones to make sure we can all be happy with our choice for the next ten or twelve months. So if you're looking to save the planet (and some serious gas money), maybe we'll pass each other on our test drives!