Pay no attention to the traffic snarl at the Bay Bridge

We here at ADN take great pride in not bothering our readers with information that actually affects their lives. Today will be no different. Unlike other news outlets, who create concern and dismay over possible traffic problems on I80 after Saturday's giant fire, we insulate you from these concerns with coverage of potential conflicts of interest and historical non-sense.

Think about it. you'll know about the traffic jams as soon as you are stuck in them (especially since with our help, you won't have given any thought to using Alameda's convenient Ferry System or directly Express Bus service to downtown SF). There's no need to worry ahead of time, we believe in living in the moment.

And before you can thank us, we say "you're welcome."

Mayor must act to defend an Alamedan's right not to have to choose

Dear Roger,

This town just isn’t what it used to be. When I was a girl, there were real sailors whistling at us on the streetcorners, not these well-behaved young Coast Guard fellas who sometimes find their way into Alameda. Why, some of them aren’t even men, now that women are taking over our nation’s armed forces at an alarming rate.

The point is, I don’t like it. This used to be a sleepy town with quiet business districts and not much going on. These days, I hardly know if I’m coming or going, there’s so much to keep track of. I remember when going out to dinner meant getting a hamburger and a root beer, or maybe a steak dinner for special occasions. You never had to decide where to go because there weren’t all that many restaurants, but yesterday I counted over five different restaurants on Park Street, many of them new, before I got dizzy and had to sit down. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the bench I was sitting on was in front of a brand-new coffee shop!

Things are moving too fast, and our mayor needs to do something about it. Bring back the empty storefronts with dirty windows covered with paper, and the dusty displays of familiar drugstore items, always with the same dead flies reassuringly scattered in between. If things don’t stop changing soon, Park Street will get so crowded that no-one will want to go there anymore! And I don’t even want to think about what could happen to Webster Street. If the mayor won’t do something, we’ll have to do it ourselves. I, for one, am ready to boycott local businesses until they start sliding safely downhill again. Who will join me?

Worriedly yours,
Marlene Verloren

11:31 PM: Oops! Technical difficulties on "Talkin' Sports with Ron Kleinsaucer"

Rog,

On his self-serving "sports commentary" show on today's Comcast community-access cable TV lineup, so-called host Ron Kleinsaucer started the program, unaware that his lapel microphone was still sitting uselessly on the table next to him. The tardy Kleinsaucer got halfway through his mindless sports blather, all of which was completely inaudible to the viewing audience, before realizing his mistake; however, once he pinned the mic to his lapel, the screen briefly went blank. Shortly thereafter, a woman off camera exclaimed, "Oh, my God, not again!" Suddenly, a scratchy recording of the show's completely incongruous theme music, Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy," started playing, drowning out Kleinsaucer's commentary; then all was silent. After an excruciatingly long pause, during which Kleinsaucer looked as confused as a goat on Astroturf, order was finally restored and the show plodded along in its usual mind-numbing rut.

Kleinsaucer mis-handled his "program," with numerous glitches throughout. Is that what he means when he calls himself a "sports authority"? Are these grievous technical errors an indicator of factual errors his program makes?

Sports authority? Ha! Kleinsaucer can't even "play" community-access cable host!

Dave Williamson

What's to discuss?

Editor,

Like the ridiculous discussion regarding Alameda Point and how to design it, which should not happen until voters vote to change the plans that we haven't talked about. I'd like to also point out that a small group of citizens is trying to get the city to change the city's laws surrounding parking.

First those "concerned citizens" should convince the council to make the change without talking about it. THEN we can have a discussion about city parking regulations and what kind of change we'd like to see.

I'm sure these people can afford to hold meetings around town if they really cared about changing things. They certainly seem to have a lot of time on their hands since they show up at every meeting I'm at, and I'm too busy to attend a lot of meetings.

Let's get some common sense back in this town. Stop talking about issues until people have changed them.

Lydia Huntington

City Council working against local businesses

Roger:

I am outraged and I must share my outrage with your readers. Recently, I heard from my neighbor’s brother’s girlfriend’s dogwalker’s babysitter that one of our City Council people had taken a campaign contribution in 1998 from Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream! Does this mean that our City Council is trying to undermine the sweet deliciousness that is our very own Tucker’s Ice Cream? While I have no proof, this 1998 campaign contribution clearly shows that the City Council is working against local businesses and trying to replace them with chain stores bent on destroying our small town character.

Roger, we must expose this awful plan and our first step is to boycott Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I hope you will urge your readers to join me in a Ice Cream dump-out. Bring your Cherry Garcia and Chubby Hubby to the steps of City Hall on Saturday at 9 o’clock where we will dump the ice cream in protest to the City Council.

Brenda Gelato

Clueless person responds to Jill Snooty

Editor,

Jill Snooty's letter makes absolutely no sense. The fact that one bus passed a single stop at which no one was waiting does not make a bus stop unneeded. What about the dozens of other riders that use that stop? Don't they have a right to catch the bus in a convenient location?

And to call oneself an environmentalist while talking about increasing parking is the height of hypocrisy. Cars are the number one generator of greenhouse gases in Alameda.

Sincerely,

Fred Wilkins

EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Wilkins clearly doesn't understand the underlying point of Ms. Snooty's letter. The fact that the bus stop is not always in use was the crux of the issue, and clearly shows that buses are barely used in Alameda. As big, loud, smoke spewing monsters, buses are the great polluters, a fact that everyone knows. Mr. Wilkins obviously knows nothing about the environmental hazards caused by having to drive half a block further than one wants to, in order to find a convenient parking space.

Useless Bus Stops

Editor,

On my commute into work this morning, I noticed that the AC Transit bus that runs on Santa Clara did not stop to pick anyone up in front of City Hall this morning because nobody was waiting at the bus stop.

Why can't our inept city staff just get rid of these unneeded and unsightly bus stops? It's clear that nobody rides the bus in this area, all the stop does is remove parking that could be used for environmenalists like myself.

Jill Snooty