Frieda Bellows Proves That Mayor Johnson Doesn't Even Live in Alameda

Editor,

I am incensed that you published a letter from Chris—if that is his—or her—real name—claiming that Beverly Johnson was born in Alameda. I can refute that argument easily. My zip code is 94501, and I live in Alameda. "Mayor" Johnson's zip code is 94502. Therefore, she does not live in Alameda. As the ancient Romans used to say, Q.E.D.: "Quite Easy, Duh!"

Frieda Bellows

Editor's Comments:

Being as full of journalistic integrity as we are, the Alameda Daily Noose and I would never stoop so low as to continuously report on a story with no basis in fact just because it draws readers. As far as we know, Mayor Johnson was born in Alameda, or so she says. We're merely reporting on the fact that questions are being raised by Right-Thinking Alamedans like Miss Bellows. We plan to follow up with a hard-hitting series on ordinary concerned citizens who are spontaneously exercising their First Amendment rights to raise legitimate questions about the supposed consensus view—which is really nothing more than a theory, which is just an elitist intellectual way of saying a guess—that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. Keep your eyes glued to your screen as this controversial, sensational, and possibly even salacious story develops!