Alameda, on Verge of Bankruptcy, Evicted from Dream Home

On the verge of bankruptcy and no longer able to afford the ballooning mortgage payments on their palatial dream home on Santa Clara Ave., yesterday tearful residents began packing everything up in preparation for their impending move to less expensive quarters. The latest victim of the ongoing housing crisis, the City of Alameda is being evicted from City Hall. The Alameda Daily Noose and I have racked our powerful brains for what seemed like minutes, and we are unable to think of any other possible explanation for what you see in the exclusive Alameda Daily Noose photograph above.

Now that Alameda is on the verge of bankruptcy, some belt-tightening is clearly in order. The Alameda Daily Noose and I have already scouted out some properties that will allow the City to downsize with style, like this little gem tucked away near that sheet-metal stamping shop down on the waterfront:

This charming little place just needs a little T.L.C. Hang some curtains in those windows, slap on a little paint, and install the granite countertops required by today's building codes, and it will make a cozy home for the essential government services that the Alameda Daily Noose and I use, if not for those bloated, wasteful, inefficient government services to which those other people feel entitled.

Of course, storage space will be somewhat limited, so Right-Thinking Alamedan bargain hunters should be on the lookout for that City rummage sale that will undoubtedly be coming up soon. The Alameda Daily Noose and I hope to pick up one of those spiffy blue chairs and a couple filing cabinets, which we think will look perfect at Alameda Daily Noose World Headquarters.