Another Scurrilous Interweb Rumor Quashed

The Alameda Daily Noose and I have recently become aware of an ugly rumor circulating on the Interweb. Now, this isn't the good kind of ugly rumors, the ones that cast an unflattering light on our many opponents; no, this is one of those bad ugly rumors, the ones that call our unimpeachable journalistic integrity into question.

Apparently, some chucklehead had the gall to suggest that the oil rig depicted in our award-eligible story in yesterday's edition was not an oil rig at all, but rather "a new water well." Piffle! No, this rises far above mere piffle…poppycock, we say!

First of all, why would anybody bother to drill for water? The last time the Alameda Daily Noose and I checked, a simple turn of the tap is all it takes to produce an endless supply of free water! The last time I tried that at the gas station, however, I soon ran afoul of Alameda's finest; fortunately, the Alameda Daily Noose took the fall for me and served the time without complaint.

Secondly, whoever started this ridiculous rumor missed the most obvious point of all: Why would anyone be drilling for water when it's obvious that the Alameda Daily Noose and I clearly and unambiguously called for oil drilling? Do we stutter? We think not! Well, not much…not anymore, anyway.

The very idea that nobody at a major company would be capable of reading and comprehending clear instructions from a soon-to-be-award-winning daily noosepaper is an unforgiveable insult to those true Alamedan heroes, the brave men and women of the drilling industry. Shame!

So, another scurrilous Interweb rumor bounces harmlessly off our Shield of Truth, quashed beneath the thundering wheels of our Righteous Chariot of Journalistic Integrity.